Page 22 of Kiss Me Now
“Don’t worry,” Miss Lily said. “Plenty of time until sunset. This won’t take us too much longer.” She pulled another weed and moved to the next tomato plant as if to prove her point.
“It’s not that.”
“Then what?”
I hesitated then pasted on a smile. “Nothing.”
“Not nothing. Something. You seem off today. Tell me what’s going on.”
I looked over the garden and tried to draw some comfort from its bright colors and orderly rows.
“Come on, honey. Spit it out. You’ll feel better,” Miss Lily urged.
I took a deep breath. “It’s just that my anxiety likes to creep up on me sometimes, and it doesn’t always make sense. Race you down the row.” I pulled out the next few weeds with extra hard yanks, but still, the anxiety clung to me like dirt to the roots.
It was silly, but since her obnoxious grandson had pulled up at this same time last week, I worried he’d make a repeat appearance to antagonize me again.
You’re being ridiculous. This happened every time I got stressed, and now with only two weeks until my very first day as a high school teacher, I was highly stressed. Like Washington Monument high. And that aggravated my anxiety. And my anxiety led to catastrophizing.
Stop it.
I worked through one of the exercises from my therapist, breathing in for several slow counts, holding it, then breathing out again.Be present. Enjoy the sun and soil.
I’d just managed to calm down when the sound of a car door slamming echoed through the peaceful afternoon birdsong like a gunshot. I squeezed my eyes shut and took a deep breath. Maybe it wasn’t him?
But no. A minute later, Ian was rounding the house toward the garden. I dropped my eyes down to my weeding. Miss Lily hadn’t noticed him yet, and I had a few moments to school my expression into something polite. I could pretend he wasn’t the last person I wanted to see. I could think of at least two other people I’d rather see less. If I tried. Probably?
“Gran!” he called.
And when Miss Lily’s head turned in Ian’s direction, her face beaming, I clenched my jaw and forced another smile.
“Ian!” Miss Lily cried, hopping to her feet with the energy and grace that never failed to amaze me. She rushed toward him and stepped into his hug.
I really, really did not like that man. How could someone as awesome as Miss Lily produce a grandson as stuck-up and judgy as Ian?
I hoped I’d managed to control my expression when Miss Lily waved me over with an order to, “Come say hello!”
What was it about this man that tied my stomach in knots?
It wasn’t like he made me nervous in a good way. He made me nervous in a bad way. In a Harrison Rink and Warren Holt kind of way.
Since I’d been a teenager, if I couldn’t navigate a situation with humor, I’d been able to navigate it with grit.
Until them.
Until Rink.
Until he’d stripped my sense of self away and left me clawing for any semblance of security.
That was over. I’d found my last bit of courage and left, but I’d lost so much of myself in the process. And now, a big, arrogant, entitled jerk like Ian was all it took to make me feel small again.
I rose from the dirt and squared my shoulders. No more. I was done making myself small for anyone.
“Hello, Ian.” I crossed the garden to join Miss Lily. “We don’t see you for months and now you’re here for two weekends in a row. How...nice.”
He blinked, his eyes narrowing for the tiniest second before he recovered. Good. He didn’t miss my real meaning. “I forgot until last weekend how much I like being out here. I won’t make the mistake of leaving Gran alone so often again.”
Why did that sound like a warning? What was this guy’s problem?
