Page 85 of So Not My Thing
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chloe didn’t come whenI slammed the door, so I knew she wasn’t home. I threw myself on my bed and stared up at the ceiling. Why had he made us go to that stupid tarot reader? And why did she have to guess right—and out loud—while he was sittingright there?
Worst of all, how could Miles tease me like that? The snatch of melody ran itself through my mind over and over again. I hated it. I was prone to earworms, and the only way to get them out of my head was to play them all the way through, but I didn’t want this one running through my mind. Every time the words played on their loop—You’ve got it bad—a new wave of heat stung my cheeks. It was like an old episode ofGrey’s Anatomy—Chloe and I had binge-watched it last summer—when this girl came in for a surgery because literally every emotion made her blush and she hated it.
I hated this. A new wave of embarrassment tortured me with each repeat of the melody.
“Gah!” I shouted at the ceiling.
I shoved in my earbuds and grabbed my phone, determined to play the whole song and get it out of my head. I listened to it on repeat for an hour, and the whole time, I saw Miles in my mind’s eye, singing it to me with a grin.
I hated feeling so exposed. Hated it. It wasn’t fair that my emotions were sitting out there, all naked and shivering.
I ripped out the earbuds and went down to the club, letting myself in through the kitchen. I wasn’t even sure why I was down there other than wanting to take back some control. Maybe if I saw the “new addition” on my own terms instead of seeing it on Miles’s terms, it would make me feel like we were more even.
I saw it the second I stepped into the club space. The baby grand, sitting on the stage, glinting even in the dim light of the security bulbs. Miles had shown me the lightboard the other day, so I went to the back corner and found the switch labeled “Stage spot 1.” It sprang to life, illuminating the piano.
It was impossibly beautiful, a Yamaha in classic black, waiting for someone to play it.
I couldn’t resist.
I sat down at the keys and played a couple of chords, the rich sound vibrating through my chest. It sounded even better than it looked, like God himself had designed it and placed it on this otherwise empty stage, a single perfect object shining in the beam of light.
It was such a reverent moment that my fingers picked out an old hymn almost on their own, and it came to me with ease. It reminded me of a song we used to sing in choir, “How Can I Keep From Singing,” and I played that next, stumbling a few times but remembering it far better than I would have expected.
Before long, I’d moved onto a Lady Gaga song I’d loved in high school, then, inevitably, I picked out the Usher song. After about ten minutes, I had the melody down. I sang it from start to finish. The last two verses in particular tugged at things inside me the way the first chords on the piano had. Words about your whole life getting off track because you missed your friend. Words about staying stuck in your house because nothing is fun without them, or thinking about them even when you’re out with other people.
I let my hands fall into my lap and stared at the keys. Yeah, I had it bad.
It was too quiet with the piano falling silent, so I played again, this time a snatch of melody that had been running through my head for weeks, teasing out the notes and weaving in some harmony.
It felt like...something? Like an actual song was coming together. I’d written a lot of music in eight and ninth grade. Not good music, but it made me happy. I’d used to post it on YouTube, but after everything had happened with Miles back then, I’d gotten so much hate in the comments that I’d deleted my channel. I hadn’t written much since. A couple of songs in college, but that was about it.
Right now, though...the familiar itch I used to get when words needed to come out flared up, and I pulled out my phone, recording sections as they came to me. I lost track of time as I worked out the melody and added lyrics, the words coming together. When I set my phone to record the whole thing, I realized over an hour had passed.
I pressed record and played it through, pouring out all my confusion and longing over the last two months since Miles had reappeared in my life.
You’re the one that I want
The one I’m always thinking of
All I see, all I breathe
You’re the vein of every need and dream
Let me love you like I can
Hold your dreams inside my hands
Let me lift you up
Let me steal your every touch
I’ll wait until you see
That it should be you and me
