Page 25 of Kiss and Tell
They thought I wouldn’t come.
It’s really stupid no one told me.
Then again, after we broke up, I was the one who had changed the subject every time his name came up until Natalie and Ben got the hint and didn’t bring him up anymore. Can’t blame them for following my unspoken Sawyer protocol.
I draw a line beneath that list and start another one.
How Do I Feel About Sawyer Being Here?
Bad
Not good
Bad
I stare at the list before I tear the whole sheet out and crumple it, tossing it into the woodburning stove in the corner for a future visitor to use as tinder.
I need to confront Natalie about this, but…
Seeing Sawyer didn’t hurt like I’d always feared it would.
Every time I’d thought about him over the years, when one of the happier memories would creep in, it was always followed by the memory of that last morning. I’d learned to quit thinking about him, to push away every memory so the painful ones couldn’t sneak in on the tail end of the good ones.
When I remembered fun times with Ben and Natalie, I’d make Sawyer a faceless blur to avoid the sharp jab in my chest at the memory of the way his eyes crinkled when he laughed, or the pricking even closer to my heart when I thought about the way they would soften as he watched me when he thought no one was looking.
The Sawyer on the deck has grown up. It isn’t the same soft face anymore.
“I’ve grown up too.” I say it aloud, letting it sink in.
The kid inside me who had been holding on to her hurt? She was over it. It’s time to let go. And at Camp Oak Crest, if I’d learned nothing else, it was the power of ridiculous rituals.
I start a new list.
How to Lay the Ghost of Old Sawyer to Rest and Also Make Natalie and Ben Sorry They Didn’t Tell Me What Was Up
Campfire ritual: lay old hurts to rest
Do lots of sneaking and spying to gather intel
The Ghost of Summer Camps Past pranks Sawyer
The Ghost of Summer Camp Present pranks Ben. Natalie is going to have to be collateral damage.
I don’t even feel bad about that. At the very least, she’s guilty of a cover-up.
I scan the list, satisfied. It’s right on the money, and it’s time to get some of the old camp magic going.
I didn’t bring a backpack, but I have a tote bag that will do. I’d meant to use it for the lake beach, but I’m giving it an even better job as I pack to meet Natalie for dinner. My notebook and pen go inside, and my flashlight too. Outside, I refresh my bug spray then head for my bike.
It's much closer to dark when I reach the main camp, and Natalie waves to me from the lodge where I park and join her in the dining hall. Ben and Juniper are already there.
Lisa serves a delicious dinner, even if she can’t meet my eyes as she sets it in front of me.
After we enjoy the roast chicken and grilled spring veggies, I push back from the table. “I need to pay my compliments to the chef.”
Natalie shakes her head. “You’d probably make her pee her pants. You have an interesting effect on people for someone who isn’t a ‘celebrity.’ Let Ben pass it along while we go down to the fire ring.”
“Fine, but I’ll push you in it if you say celebrity again.”
