Page 36 of The Fall Back Plan
I nod to Mary Louise that I’m fine with this, and Lucas jerks his head toward the rear exit. “Let’s go that way so we don’t set the whole block speculating about what happened.”
Shane doesn’t say anything, but his shoulders relax a bit more as he follows Lucas.
Soon it’s just me, Mary Louise, and Ry. “You’re my heroes,” I tell them. “But Mary Louise, why were you even in here so early? We’d have been in trouble without you.”
“Told Ry I’d sit in on his interview with a security applicant.”
Ry glances at his watch. “He’ll be here in another ten minutes. Glad he missed that whole mess.”
Mary Louise gives us a fleeting smile. “Don’t know. Might have made our decision easy either way.”
“I think I like demonstration interviews better for trivia hosts than for security,” I say. “Find us someone as good as you, okay?”
“Can’t be done.” She says it like she’s informing us the sun rises in the morning.
“You’re right. How about almost as good?”
“On it, boss.”
“I’m going to go do some paperwork to settle my nerves.” As I turn toward the office, I hear Mary Louise asking Ry to repeat what I just said.
“You heard her. Math relaxes her.”
I close my office door on the sound of her bafflement with a smile. It fades as I drop into my office chair and rest my head on my desk, an adrenaline crash sweeping through my system. My heartbeat accelerates, and my hands shake so badly that I clasp them together and hold them between my knees to steady them. I draw deep breaths and try to settle my racing thoughts.
“There was never any danger,” I tell myself. Then I repeat the phrase over and over in my head, trying to convince my nerves that I’m telling the truth.
A knock on the office door startles me into a jump as Lucas opens it and pokes his head in. The faint lines around his eyes crease. “I was going to ask if you’re okay, but I guess not.”
I shove my hand through my hair, not caring if I mess it up. “I will be. My mind suddenly wants to play ‘what if.’ It’s stupid. Nothing happened.”
A look I can’t interpret crosses his face. Worry? Anger? I might have known him a long time, but every time I’m with him, I’m realizing I don’t know him well. It’s the onion thing. I see past one layer, and there’s another one. Not in a “keep out” way. In a “there’s a lot to discover” way.
If Phillip hadn’t bankrupted me emotionally, I might find those layers intriguing. But I have nothing but a few pockets of spare time to offer right now, and Lucas is basically a single dad. I don’t think single dads are casual daters. I don’t get the sense from Lucas that he’s that type, anyway. I get solid vibes. Roots kind of vibes.
I can’t help with Brooklyn and be involved with Lucas. We won’t work, and then who’s there for Brooklyn? Because I’m going to be important to her. I can feel it in a way I can’t explain but that I also can’t deny.
I shake my head. No. My emotional energy can go to her. She needs it more, anyway.
“No what?” Lucas asks. “I didn’t ask a question.”
“Sorry. No, I’m not okay. Yes, I will be.”
“It’s okay to not be okay,” he says. “I’ve got ten years on this job, and that still shook me when I walked in. That’s with a gun on my hip, combat training, and a deputy backing me up at each entrance.”
“You were scared?” That kind of does make me feel better.
He shuts the office door behind him and leans against it. “Yeah. I was.”
His tone is hard to decipher, and despite everything I just told myself about not getting into anything with him, I want to be better at this. Better at reading him.
“I’m sorry you were scared, but it makes me feel like less of a wimp.”
He rests his head against the door and scans my face. I’m not sure what he’s looking for, and the longer he looks, the more naked I feel. Inside, I mean. Is that even a thing? Being naked inside?
“Jolie.” He hesitates. “I’ve been in scarier situations and not felt half as much fear.”
My stomach sours slightly at the idea of him being in more dangerous situations, and my mind races to find the meaning behind the rest of his words. He’s saying he was more scared because it was me. And he’d only be saying that if . . .
