Page 123 of Betting on the Best Friend
Sami glares at him. “Let me finish. She’s great, and I know we don’t have to convince you of that. We thought we might have to convinceherthat you’re great for her, but we didn’t. She figured it out by herself, and now our job is to convince you instead that you should believe her when she says she loves you.”
Charlie shifts but only to settle in.
“I will be taking point one.” Sami clicks to a slide readingRuby picked you over Niles all the time.“Do you know how many pictures we have of you in the middle of our escapades and not Niles? A lot.” Click. The photographic evidence appears as a collage of snapshots. “This isn’t because he wouldn’t come. It’s because she never asked him to. She was always very Charlie-forward because you were always the guy.”
Click. The next slide reads,Point 1: Ruby has chosen Charlie for years.
She sits down and Madison stands up. She clicks to show a picture of all of us, including Charlie, on our sofa from a movie night a couple of years ago. “You were in the group chat before Josh, Oliver, and Joey. Her ownbrother, Charlie. That’s how much you belong.”
Click.Point 2: We’re already family.
She sits down and Ava stands up. Click. A chart with a bunch of columns crammed with numbers appears. It’s labeled “Pack mammal behavior as quantified in aggregate data analysis.”
Madison and Sami both produce notebooks from somewhere and act like they’re ready to take notes.Nice one, girls. I can hear Charlie’s snort clearly.
Ava glances at the screen. “That’s probably hard to read so I’ll summarize. The data shows that Ruby is a lioness. A lioness will tolerate a lion who is present simply because he’s present. But once a new lion comes, she will make a choice. And the lion she doesn’t choose, she chases off. Then that’s it. The lion she chooses is hers for the rest of her life, and if he leaves, the lioness dies.”
Almost none of that is true. I helped a fifth grader research animals of the African veldt last fall. Also, I will not die if Charlie leaves me. Though I might feel like I want to for a while and definitely never love anyone again for the rest of my life.
Click. An animation plays of two magnets attracting and sticking. “There’s an actual equation for that, but this is the gist. You are Ruby’s true north, and she will always be drawn to you.” Click. A slide with still shots of famous movie kisses. “We heard the kissing is pretty good. Can you confirm that for the data, Charlie?”
“Confirmed.”
She nods. “This aligns with Ruby’s report of turning from a solid to liquid state when heat is introduced. That concludes point three.”
Click.Point 3: Biology, physics, and chemistry indicate scientific certainty of Ruby + Charlie forever.“Any questions?”
“A couple,” Charlie says. “Is forever a scientific measurement?”
“Only in the phenomenon of love, where it’s a very precise unit.”
“Sure, that makes sense. Next, did you make up the lion stuff?”
“Yes. But only because every other biological argument I could make sounded like middle school health class. It was hard to avoid using the word ‘mate’ even with fake lion facts.”
Madison flat out guffaws and shoots a look at me before she remembers she’s not supposed to and fixes her eyes on Ava, butCharlie twists around anyway. He sees me, and I think he almost smiles but he turns to the front without commenting.
“Any other questions?” Ava asks.
“I didn’t hear anything about geology,” he says. “Got anything on that?”
“You’re dumber than a box of rocks if you think Ruby doesn’t know her own mind.” Her tone is pleasant, but Sami winces, and I call, “Ava!”
She shrugs. “Scientists deal in facts.”
I’m already walking to the front to deliver the closing. She hands me the clicker and sits down.
Charlie shifts, leaning forward, elbows on his knees, hands clasped between them, watching me.
“Hey, Charlie Bucket.” My stomach flutters wildly as I stand there in his favorite of my dresses and a fresh coat of Ruby Woo, because that’s what I’m about to do. Woo him.
“Hey, Ruby Slippers.” His voice is mellow. Warm.
“We’ll conclude with some random facts,” I say. He gives a small smile as if to say,Of course.
Click.“That’s how much it would cost to rent a truck big enough to accommodate your apartment for a move to Golden, Colorado.”Click. “That’s how much it costs to get a masters in geotechnical engineering at the Colorado School of Mines.”Click.“This is a list of the top five geotechnical engineering programs in the country. UT Austin is on that list.”Click. “This is how much you would save by getting your master’s at UT instead. Aren’t those interesting random facts?”
“Suspiciously random,” he says.
