Page 52 of Betting on the Best Friend
I’m not going to say aloud that I’m in love with Ruby, because I want to say those words to her first, not to Sydney about Ruby. But yeah. We’re talking about love. I nod.
“Explain to me how this works. What’s the sign?”
Pushing me up against a wall because she suddenly discovers her pyromania and needs those fireworks would work. “I’ll know it when I see it.”
She sets down her fork and gives me her full attention. “Are you sure you aren’t scared of rejection? That would be an extremely normal thing to feel.”
“Of course I am. But I’m way more worried about one day both of us realizing I was never what she wanted. Not for life.”
“For life.” Sydney repeats it softly, and the sadness flickers in her eyes again. “Last question: what if youdidtell her how you feel, and she’s like, ‘Charlie, you’re so sweet, but I only see you as a friend.’ You act like that’s not a possibility.”
“It could happen.”
“And if it did, does your friendship survive? Because it sounds like it would break your heart. Or your ego. Plenty of men don’t come back from that. Are you one of them?”
I suspect I’ve gotten a hint of her relationship story. “We’d still be friends.”
What other answer is there? I can’t picture a future anymore where there isn’t some version of Charlie and Ruby.
“You think if you set this huge thing between you, and you press the green button and she presses the red one, you still have a way forward? I’m willing to give you my opinion on what to do next, but I need to understand exactly where your head is at.” Her intensity makes the café noise fade.
“That would be hard,” I admit. “Harder than I can imagine. It would take me a while. Probably until she found someone who I could see is even better for her than I am. That would close the door. Then I could be her friend.”
“That would be enough?” Sydney asks. “You’re sure?”
“The only outcome I can’t deal with is one without Ruby at all. So yes. It would be enough. Eventually.” Even as I say it, I feel how heavy, how longeventuallywill be.
She rests her chin in her hand. “I believe you, so my advice is that this is too important for less than total honesty. There are so many ways this can go wrong while you wait for everything tocome together perfectly, too many ways it could make it hard for you to stay friends. You have to tell her.”
I shift in my chair, uncomfortable with the warning. “And risk our friendship for maybe?”
“If you tell her, you might ruin the friendship. But if you don’t, you definitely will. It’s already changing. Not telling her, it’s going to get corrosive.”
Despite eating most of my burger, a hollow feeling opens in my stomach. “You think she’s not feeling me that way.”
She’s already shaking her head. “I don’t know. I don’t think she sees you that wayyet.What I know for sure is that what I see between you two is real. If it’s meant to be love, it will go that way inevitably. But if it’s not, and you want to keep this thing you have now, you have to keep it healthy. And that means telling her.”
The hollow inside me grows bigger and emptier. I won’t be eating the rest of my burger. The idea makes me feel vaguely carsick. Which is, coincidentally, how loving Ruby feels right now.
“You okay?” Sydney asks.
I muster a smile. “Whoever broke your heart is an idiot.”
She points to me.Bingo.
“A really big idiot.”
She tucks a stray piece of hair behind her ear. “Broken people break hearts. I’m trying not to get broken too. Or break you by sending you out with bad advice.”
“I won’t break. My heart might, but you’re right about what I need to do.” I massage my temples, trying to wrap my head around that. “You should be a therapist.”
“Can’t. I’m moving to Dallas for law school in the fall.”
“All right, Sydney.” It’s a quiet cheer, full of admiration.
“It was the biggest distraction I could think of.” Her smile is tired. “But this one has been pretty good, and I’m staying all theway invested. You’ll tell her? Give yourself a chance at the best outcome?”
The hollow feeling hasn’t changed because the part of me that loves Ruby best, that knows her as well as I know myself, already knows the outcome.
