Page 56 of Betting on the Best Friend
A cold, prickly feeling numbs my arms. This happens when a big wave of anxiety hits me. I’m not sure what’s happening in my nerves and synapses for real, but it feels like turtling. It’s like if my soul is a transparent version of me that fits in my body like me-shaped vapor, it all starts to contract and shrink into the smallest possible target, turning into a knot between my chest and my stomach.
“I’m kind of freaked out.” I try to say it in an unfreaked out way. “Should I be freaked out?”
“No.”
“And yet . . .”
He gives me a slight headshake and a trace of a smile. “I guess I’ve already started this the worst way possible. Might as well go all in.”
I have no idea what he should do since I have no idea what this is about, so I keep my mouth shut and wait, trying to get the knot in my mid-section to retake vapor form and expand.
“Sydney is a friend of Katie’s. Katie told Sydney to scope me out because she thought we might hit it off.”
“Okay . . .” Nice one, Katie, but why is everyone so bent on setting up Charlie? I’ll have to tell her I’m handling it.
“The thing is, I’m hung up on someone, and it seemed pointless to go out with anyone else.”
I know my job is to ask who he’s hung up on, but the premonition is back, now with more panic. I don’t want any more information.
He meets my eyes, his soft but resigned.
Don’t say it.Don’t say it, Charlie.
But he does.
“It’s you, Ruby.”
Chapter Nineteen
Ruby
It’s you, Ruby.It’s you.It’s you.
The panic crests. What is this? Why is he doing this? I don’t want him to do this.
He leans back on his hands and studies the opening in the sphere. “I need to say some things. I wish they wouldn’t make you uncomfortable, but they will. Just know I’m only going to say them to get them out of the way so we can get back to normal.” He pauses, then adds, “Eventually.”
I thought wewerenormal. Now I’m churning inside, and I want to put my hand over his mouth and keep any more words from coming out, so we can stay normal. But he’s already said the part that changes everything.
What else can I do but meet his eyes and show up for him? “I’m listening.”
“I liked you from the first time we worked together, and if you hadn’t made it clear within ten minutes that you had a long-term boyfriend, I probably would have fallen for you right then.” He pauses for a second before he shakes his head, smiling. “But if friendship is a ball pit, we held hands and jumped in.”
“Cannonballed,” I agree. I cling to this. We’re cannonballing again, but if we hold on . . .
“Why is that the perfect way to explain this?”
“Because we’re us.” Which always felt like a good thing to be.
“Maybe that’s the problem. Us has always been special, hasn’t it?” he asks.
I nod, too full of big feelings to risk them spilling out by asking how that’s a problem.
“I love being friends with you,” Charlie says. “I can’t imagine not having that forever, but I think that’s only possible if I explain where I am and how I got here.”
I only nod again, trying to cling to the hope that we’re going to navigate back to familiar ground.
His chest expands as he draws a deep breath. For calm? For courage? My own heart clenches. I want Charlie to be okay.
