Page 70 of Betting on the Best Friend
I also try to turn my frustration with Charlie into patience. Being mad I can’t watch a movie with him is about what I need, not what he needs. Or so I tell myself often enough to half believe it.
The week also includes a date with a chef, which is fine, but not fine enough for me to agree to a second, and a date with a chiropractor which is not fine but not a disaster. Just less entertaining than a single text from Charlie. Most things are.
As week three of Charlie’s temporary assignment starts, the girls work hard to distract me with plans for Eeyore’s Birthday Party on Saturday. I refuse to go on any dates that week, pleading that I need a break.
Bad idea. More thinking time means I think more about Charlie, and I think my mom is right. I’d let him occupy a boyfriend-shaped space in my life. That’s a form of use. Using him. Even if it was unintentional. It makes me feel small.
For the first time in months, I feel alone. No, lonely. Adrift, even. But I don’t reach out to Charlie. I answer all his texts, but I’m determined to be an equal friend and not turn him into an imitation boyfriend. It means letting him decide the terms of our friendship right now.
It’s hard. So many times a day, there are moments I want to share with him. When Mrs. Davenport strikes again and an irritated patron brings me a magazine with a car-shaped hole in the middle of their article. When I find a pristine copy ofEl deseo de mi corazón, a middle grade book about a girl who wants to be a ballerina, in the donations. When I go to our favorite Chinese takeout place and my fortune says, “There will be weather tomorrow.”
It’s not only work stuff. I read about a new Brazilian restaurant I want to try, and I wish I could call Charlie to go, even though Madison loves trying new food too. We catch one of Sami’s sets one night—not at the club where Mike works. It’s me, Ava,Madison, and their boyfriends. It’s fun. But it’s not me and them plus their boyfriends; it’s me plus them and their boyfriends.
I realize that it was like this when I was with Niles. He wouldn’t have come out for their shows, but I never felt alone because Charlie was there, giving me piggybacks when I couldn’t see over the growing Pixie Luna crowds.
I miss that. Having my arms around his neck, resting against his back. Charlie’s body is so familiar to me. Have I missed why? He says his feelings for me were always a thing for him. It makes me wonder . . . How can I not have once missed my physical connection with Niles, not even right after we broke up, but miss it with Charlie from the second I left him in the Treehouse? Did I not miss it with NilesbecauseI had Charlie? Or is this something different?
I have a nearly overwhelming urge to call him or march into the main branch and holler, “Get over this right now, Charlie Bucket!” because the questions exhaust me.
Friday, I get a text that eases the misery for the first time since the Treehouse.
Eeyore’s Birthday Party tomorrow
Yes
You going?
Yes. Grandma Letty wants to go
Is Grandma Letty ready for peak Austin?
Wrong question
Is Austin ready for peak Grandma Letty?
There you go
Grandma Letty abides
I smile at hisBig Lebowskireference, but my heart is beating fast. This is the first thing like a conversation we’ve had since he went to Main. Is this a baby step toward normal?
You good if I crash?
Yes
I answer so fast I’m not sure the thought even fully forms before I press send. Itisa baby step!
We work out a time and place to meet, and when I set my phone down, I snatch the box at the foot of my bed and pull out my costume,finallyexcited about something after these three long weeks without Charlie.
Charlie. I’m excited about Charlie.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Ruby
It might be GrandmaLetty’s first time at Eeyore’s birthday, but she leads the charge into Pease like she’s the one throwing the party. Mrs. Lipsky is right beside her in a sequined gold jumpsuit. It looks fabulous, even with her white orthopedic sneakers.
They’re hooked at the elbow, leading our sparkly girl gang into the sea of color and sound overflowing the south end of the park. Ava has dressed as Christopher Robin in a yellow shirt with blue pants. I’m paying tribute to Eeyore in gray jeans and with a light gray tube top, but the real magic is the long black tail attached to my back belt loop, complete with a bedazzled pink bow, and the short pigtails I’ve sprayed in matching pink to make Eeyore’s ears.
