Page 74 of Betting on the Best Friend
“I hate you so much right now.”
She hugs my head harder. “Two more weeks to find you true love and win—”
When she breaks off, I wiggle my way out of her grip and pull down the blanket to stare at her. “Win what?”
“Nothing.” She climbs off me. “Josh is starting omelets. Bestie breakfast?”
“I’m in.”
“And now for a song about eggs,” she says as she heads for my door. “You cracked my heart like it’s an egg, too bad for you, you’re now the plague, brunch with the girls is all the rage . . .”
I laugh as her increasingly ridiculous lyrics follow her down the hall.
If Josh just started cooking, I’ve got time for a shower, so I take one and catch myself singing her dumb song. “Hey, hey, you say it’s May . . .”
I wish I could be excited about that, but it’s stretching in front of me like thirty-one oversized boxes that I can never fill. They yawn, taunting.
I’d expected May to be different. I’d hoped the Eeyore party last weekend meant Charlie and I were getting closer to normal, but this week has been more random texts. It’s more like following a meme account curated to my specific tastes than it is friendship.
I get dressed and follow the sound of roommate chatter to the patio, stepping out in time to hear Joey curse up at Ahab, who’s preening on Mrs. Lipsky’s balcony.
“I’m telling Mom you said bad words,” I inform Joey.
“Tell her he called me a butthead first,” Joey says, glaring up at Ahab.
Mrs. Lipsky sighs. “Ahab, how am I supposed to give you fresh air if you pick a fight every time I bring you out?”
“I love you,” Ahab says.
“Right, that’s how you get away with it,” Mrs. Lipsky says.
“Don’t the cats need sun?” Joey asks. “Bring out Tuxie and Pinstripes.”
Mrs. Lipsky snorts and shakes her head. “I’m not up for chasing them around today, but I’ll take Ahab inside. He has parrot FaceTime.”
Joey bought a temporary reprieve from Ahab’s bullying last year when he realized Ahab was lonely and found a Facebook group where owners could connect their parrots with other parrots via Facetime. Now Ahab talks to a parrot named Pierre in Pierre, South Dakota several times a week, and it cured Ahab’s depression. But Joey’s reprieve has been over ever since he wished Ahab a happy Valentine’s Day and Ahab squawked back, “Kick rocks, andouille.” Pierre speaks French, and now Ahab insults Joey in two languages.
“Love you, bye,” Madison says.
“Love you, bye,” Ahab answers.
“I won’t miss you,” Joey says as Mrs. Lipsky turns toward her door.
“Kiss my grits,” Ahab says as Mrs. Lipsky slides her door closed behind them. Grandma Letty taught him that one.
“Joey,” Josh calls through the open kitchen door, “how many times do I have to beg you not to get into a fight with Ahab unless I’m there?”
“Shut up and omelet, bro,” Joey says.
“Anyway, Ruby,” Ava says, tired of their nonsense, “what are you wearing for your boring date this afternoon?”
“You mean Matty, who loves all the same stuff Ruby does, so she’s going to marry him?” Sami says.
“Didn’t tell Matty he was getting engaged today,” Josh calls from the kitchen. “Just going on a date with our friend. Maybe dial it back.”
“I’m wearing this.” I gesture to my outfit before I make sure the patio sofa cushion is clean and take a seat.
“Maybe no,” Sami says as Madison climbs off the sofa and disappears into the house.
