Page 122 of The Husband Contract
“I mean, I am in a real universe.” I giggle. “I still love him, guys.”
I make a face, my eyebrows twisting, my nose wrinkling, and I shake my head. “But I just don’t know where we go from here. I don’t know how we can make it work with everything that’s happened.”
“Do you want to be with him?” Katherine prods.
I shrug because I’m almost embarrassed to admit the truth. I feel weak by saying yes.
“She does,” Brielle says, and we all laugh.
“I do, but I don’t want him to think that I want anything from him. I want us to be on an equal playing field, and I don’t know if that will ever happen—especially not now that I’m in a precarious financial position. Plus, the fact he didn’t listen to me, didn’t even give me a chance to explain, to try and figure out what was going on—that still hurts me.”
“I get why it hurts you,” Katherine says, “but it’s understandable that he’s operating on what he thinks he knows. Louisa provided him with receipts, girl.”
“I know, and at that time he didn’t have any reason to distrust her. It just hurts.”
“I get it. He knows you’re not about money, though,” Katherine says, rubbing my shoulders. “He knows that you’re not that sort of person.”
“I know, but it’s still a barrier between us.” My heart sinks. “I don’t want him to think that I’m only with him because I need him. I don’t want there to be any doubts in his mind. And I’m still mad at him. I’m still mad I have to feel this way.”
“Don’t let that feeling fester,” Katherine says softly. “It’s not worth it. You know what I’ve learned from my parents’ marriage?”
“No. What?” I ask, because I do want to know. Katherine’s parents have been together for a long time, and I still see the love between them.
“My mom and dad have gone through a lot,” she says. “Like, a lot—stuff that would break other couples. But my mom always says she wouldn’t choose anyone other than my dad, and my dad says he wouldn’t choose anyone other than her. Because in life, we’re always going to face obstacles, and we’re always going to trip up, and we’re always going to make mistakes. Not one of us is perfect. But if you have the perfect person for you, life is better together. You can help each other through the obstacles.”
She grabs my hand. “I guess I just mean this to say that, yeah, he fucked up, and he treated you like shit, and I was the first person who wanted to kill him, the first one who wanted to make him pay. But I still stand by what I said originally. That man loves you. And while he’s been misguided in his actions, he wants to make it right. He wants to make it up to you. He wants to prove his love to you. And that means a lot.”
“I know. How did you get to be so wise, Katherine?”
“I don’t know,” she says, giggling. “I think I’m wiser for my friends than I am for myself.”
I start laughing. “I wouldn’t say that.”
“Look at my ex-boyfriend.”
“Okay, he sucked.”
“He really sucked,” she says. “I think, though, when you meet the right person, you just know.”
“Yeah, you’re right. Because I think if I didn’t understand why Sebastian did this, it would be a different story—but I do understand. He’s protecting his brother, and he’s already protected me in so many ways. And I think I realize that the feeling I felt in the beginning—it was real. I guess it just scares me because it’s such a huge emotion, such great magnitude, I’m scared to allow myself to fall back into that feeling of joy and happiness. Because what if the rug is swept out from under me again? What if something else happens?”
“You can’t think about it like that,” Brielle says. “Unfortunately, life is about risks—the risks we see and the risks we don’t. Plan anything and God laughs in the face of planners. We can just go by our gut. So, what’s your gut telling you?”
She looks at me. I stare at my best friends and smile at them.
“My gut is telling me I need to see what happens. It’s telling me I love him and that he’s the one. That there’s not going to be another man I feel this way for ever again.” I give them a watery smile. “My gut is also telling me you’ two are the best friends I’ve ever had in my life, that I’ll ever have. You’re my family—my chosen family. I know my parents are looking down and they’re beaming at all of us. They’re rooting for us.”
I swallow hard, hoping to unclog the emotion in my throat that makes me want to cry. “My heart is heavy, guys,but not in a bad way. It’s filled with love and joy because you know what? Whatever happens between me and Sebastian—you guys are the loves of my life. You’ve always been there for me since we were little kids. You’ve always had my back. You’ve always supported me through thick and thin, and I don’t know how I would’ve gotten to where I am without you.” My chin wobbles and a tear streaks down my cheek. “I just want to let you know. I just want to give you your flowers now.”
“We’re in this together. We’re the Golden Girls,” Katherine says.
“Well, not golden yet,” Brielle says, and we all laugh.
“You know what I mean.”
“I know.”
I squeeze their hands. “It’s us—together forever.”
