Page 30 of Chance
But maybe, for Evy, I was a burden, the one thing that kept her from putting herself first.
She shifted on the bed, growing more restless, the sedative starting to fade.A tiny moan left her, a twitch of her fingers letting me know I’d been holding on to her a little too tightly.
“I’m so sorry, Evy,” I whispered.Not just for clenching her fingers so hard.If I had to list all the things I needed to apologize to her for, we would be there for a week.
Lashes fluttered and then lifted, confusion pulling at her brows, causing her nose to scrunch like it normally did when she was trying to get all the details sorted in her mind.Afternoon had faded into early evening.With the lights dimmed and the sun dipping lower in the sky outside, there was only a soft, hopefully healing glow in the room to see by.
Once her eyes focused on me, she started to smile, but that quickly turned to a frown when she was finally able to see me more clearly.I swallowed another sob, sent out another thank-you to the universe, and forced a smile.“H-hey, you’re awake.”
“Who made you cry?”she croaked out.
Of course her first thought was to worry about me.She was lying in a fucking hospital bed, with wires and tubes attached to her, but instead of thinking of herself, Evy wanted to know about me.I wasn’t going to dump all my crap on her, though.“I was just worried about you.How are you feeling?Any discomfort?”
Brows pulling together, she was quiet for a moment, taking stock of her body and remembering all the events that had led to her ending up in the hospital.“I’m fine.Now tell me who made you cry.”
Scrubbing my tears away, I closed my eyes.Swallowing roughly, I blew out a frustrated breath before looking right at her.“Can you stop worrying about me for two minutes and focus on yourself?Please, Evy.We are two separate people.You matter too, damn it.”
Surprised, my sister shrank back a little, staring up at me like I’d grown another head.“I-I know we are separate people,” she whispered.
“I’m sorry.I didn’t mean to raise my voice.It’s just that you spend so much time worrying about me that you forget about yourself.You are the most important person in the world to me.If it weren’t for you, I don’t think I would be alive right now.”
There was no thinking about it.My life would have ended when I’d swallowed those pills if Evy hadn’t sent Vaughn.I needed to stop shying away from that shameful memory.How could I expect to move on, to start living and truly enjoying this second chance with my twin, if I didn’t face my mistakes?No matter what I did, no matter how much I pretended I was healing, nothing would actually stay healed if I didn’t face my past instead of hiding from it.
That was why William’s voice continued to haunt me.I was still allowing him to have that power over me because I wasn’t brave enough to face the most vulnerable parts of myself.
It was time to stop hiding, stop pretending.
“No.I know I wouldn’t be alive.You saved me when nothing else could.Without you, there is no me.”
“Evie—”
“I see it, Evy.You try to hide it to protect me, but I can see how broken you are.All of this—the move, the school, even the job—you did it all to help me heal.But not once have you done anything to help yourself.And now look what happened!You had a panic attack so bad that you passed out.”
“I’m okay,” she whispered, shrinking back even more, not expecting me to unleash on her.
Guilt choked me.“I won’t break if you admit that you’re not okay.What will destroy me is if I lose you.”
Her eyes flooded with tears.“As long as I have you, nothing else matters.”
There.I could see it now, right below the surface—fear.It was in her voice, flashing in her eyes, consuming her.She was scared of losing me, not to William this time.She was afraid of losing me to myself.Which was valid.I had that same fear, but as long as I had my sister, the darkness didn’t hold nearly as much power.
“You will always have me,” I promised, giving her fingers a squeeze.“Maybe moving here was a mistake.We can pack one of the Jeeps with the bare necessities and drive around until we find a place that feels right.”
“What?No!”Panic laced her voice, flashing in her eyes as she sat upright in bed.“We are where we were meant to be.Creswell Springs is home.I feel it right here, with my whole heart.”Lifting our linked hands, she pressed them to the center of her chest.“I already see the change in you.This town is magical.You’re getting better every day.”
She still didn’t understand and was too blind to how amazing she was to see the truth.“I’m healing because of you, Evy, not some stupid town.Being beside you is what is helping me.Each day I can wake up and touch you, I get another small piece of my soul back.That’s the magic.Not the place, but you.”
“I don’t want to leave.”
Evie
Hearingthe ring of truth in her words, I relaxed a little.Finally, she was taking something for herself.“Because of Reid?”
“I don’t know.Maybe.”
That was definitely a lie.I could see it on her face, in the way her heart rate jumped on the monitor beside the bed, but it was a lie I wasn’t going to call her out on.Guys and what they did to our hearts was a complication I didn’t have the energy to think about too hard at the moment.
“I overheard his mom talking on the phone when I first got here,” I told her.“She was trying to call him.Whatever he’s doing, he wasn’t answering his phone.Mila and Sammy both said they tried texting him with no response either.”
