Page 103 of The Secret We Keep
Why do the only words I read have to be you, are and perfect? “Urgh,” I grumble out loud to myself. I tuck my phone away and walk towards the bus stop, needing to get back home. I haven’t missed having to use public transport.
This morning was different, and I can’t place why. Everything was normal, so far as me showing up at the O’Keefe’s place and walking Kevin the long way through the graveyard like Evie always insists. What wasn’t normal, however, was the way Paddy and his dad were talking before they came into the house.
I know enough to know that a car doesn’t need fixing before working hours, not unless it’s urgent. But they haven’t had anything come in that’s urgent the entire time I’ve been hanging out there.
So what was it? What had them outside and talking about Paddy having to be careful?
When the bus pulls up, I step on and pay the three-eighty it costs. I can’t wait to drive. I don’t have a car, but once I save up for one, being on my own time is going to be a game changer.
I also won’t have to make small talk with strangers on the bus. It’s one thing getting to know people you actually like, but when it’s people you’re unlikely to see again, it seems rather pointless.
Maybe I’m just letting my emotions run away from me.
And who can blame me?
I’ve fallen for a man who’s trying to piece his life back together, and for better or worse, he’s taken me along with him. He’s taught me how to drive. Made me more confident to write. I feel more like myself, and when I really dig deep, I know I want to spend more time with him.
Sure, it would be nice not to have to sneak around and hide my feelings from my parents, but if I keep going the way I am, I can see myself being brave enough to tell them that one way or another, Paddy O’Keefewillbe in my life.
One way.
Of course, he could get his job back and decide he wants to move back to London. He hasn’t let me get too close to him. Perhaps part of him getting things back together means he’ll go back to his ex. Not that we’ve really spoken about her, but Paddy and I have been together when she’s called wanting to know more about the flat they once shared.
It all sounds very complicated. Judging by the way Paddy tenses every time he has to deal with his past, I know it’s unlikely he’ll go back. Still, the thought has crossed my mind more than once.
Like, what would I do if he left again? Would I keep walking Kevin and hanging out with his parents? Because that would be too weird,even for me. But I can’t go back to the way things were. I won’t. I’ve still got a way to go, but I like where I am now. People don’t talk under their breath when I’m close. They ask me how I am rather than shy away from all contact. It’s different, and I like it.
Stewing on my feelings, I watch as the final few passengers get on the bus. I notice Sarah, so I lift a hand, gesturing for her to take the empty seat next to me. Not only do we have stuff to catch up on, but the old man, who smells distinctly like he hasn’t washed for a fortnight, is not far behind her. I don’t think I can endure the long bus journey next to him.
“Hi.” Sarah takes the seat next to me, dumping her bag on her lap. She takes the deepest breath, letting her head rest against the back of the seat. “Today was long.”
“That bad?”
She nods, not opening her eyes. “Turns out I’m not as good in meetings as I thought I was.” Her eyes slowly open. “I think I blew a partner deal. Lost us a lot of money.” She tuts. “So sorry.”
“Why are you saying sorry to me?”
Her head rolls my way, still resting on the seat. “We could have got a pay rise. Can’t see that happening now.”
I wait for her to realise I’m not mad. “Sarah,” I have to then say when she stares dead ahead, presumably replaying her meeting over. “I don’t give two hoots about whether you land a deal with a new partner or not.”
She laughs then, shoulders relaxing.
“Just don’t tell your dad, though. As far as he’s concerned, I strive to excel the company and… crap, I forget what else we’re supposed to say.”
Another burst of laughter escapes her.
“What?” I ask.
“Two hoots. You don’t get many of those anymore.”
“You do now.” We both laugh at my stupid phrase.
“Thank you.”
I look at her. “For what?” I ask quite genuinely.
“For not putting any pressure on me. Everyone seems like they’ve only asked how things are going because they want the big pay rise. But not you.”
