Page 173 of The Secret We Keep
It’s from Holly’s birthday party. The photo Mrs Danford makes us line up for every year. “Why are you showing me this?”
Paddy searches my features, his lips parting and closing in quick succession.
“Paddy?”
He clears his throat before sucking in a breath. “What do you see?”
I swallow, looking down at the photo. “I see everyone at Holly’s party we had in the Summer.” When I look at Paddy, it’s like he’s waiting for me to say something more. I double take before continuing to reel off what I can see. “There’s everyone we’re close to in the village. Mr and Mrs Danford, me and Holly, you, Fi, your parents.”
Paddy chokes on his next words. “And?” I want to reach out and comfort him. But I can see it in his pleading eyes that it’smemaking him this way.
“And,” I begin, dragging out the word as I look down once again. My eyes squint, looking for smaller details. “We’re standing in front of the table you put the food on as you arrived. There’s balloons, food and drink…” I blow out an exhausted breath. “Paddy, I really don’t get what you want me to see.”
“The banner. What does it say?”
The big birthday banner suspended behind us was bright pink. Her favourite colour. “Happy birthday,” I challenge, not liking how wrong I’m getting things, judging by the look on his face.
Paddy’s eyes well, glistening under the light in my bedroom.
“It says happy birthday. Right?”
Slowly and painfully, Paddy shakes his head from side to side. “No, curly fries. It doesn’t say that.”
Lifting the photo up to my line of vision, I stare at it hard, willing my eyes to see what I’m missing.
“Look hard, baby. Tell me what you can see.” Paddy closes the gap between us, his body pressing against mine. “I need you toreallylook. Please, curly fries. Please.”
The crack in his voice has me turning to face him. “Paddy, what’s wrong?”
He lifts his head to the ceiling, and I know he’s trying desperately to hold it all in. His breathing is heavy. His body’s shaking. “Please see what I can see. I’m begging you.”
A surge of pain hits me in the middle of my chest. “Hey.” I cup his face, brushing my thumb over his stubble. “I’ll try. I will.” For him, I will.
We'll take my car
Paddy
Restingmyheadonher shoulder, all hope drains from me. She’s so quiet. So visibly confused.
I don’t know what to do.
Squeezing her arm, the warmth from her body is reassuring as I begin questioning what the hell I thought I was doing. I’m not equipped to help her like I should be doing. I’m not trained to the level that she needs.
Trembling, I reach down and take her hand in mine, squeezing tightly.
“You’re shaking.” Her soft voice is calming as she points out the obvious.
I place a gentle kiss on her temple. “I’m good, curly fries.”
She’s not seen it. She’s not seen the real image in her hands. Now what the fuck do I do? Because, after pleading with her, my final attempt to help her understand has failed.Ifailed her.
Leaning into my touch, Morgan’s body turns rigid.
I close my eyes, soaking up this moment before everything inevitably changes. “You’ve always been my girl. Even when I couldn’t have you, I’ve loved you with every single part of me.” Swallowing the lump in my throat before I continue, I notice it’s pitch-black outside. “I need you to know no matter what happens next, I want to be theman you can count on. When you can’t sleep, I’ll collect all the stars for you. When you’re lost, I’ll be by your side every step of the way, your hand in mine. And instead of Kevin, I want to be your favourite person. I’m not leaving you alone with this. You’ve got me, Morgan. Always.”
Her room remains quiet for far too long after I finish talking.
“Paddy?”
