Page 175 of The Secret We Keep
“Thank you. I’ll make some tea.”
I still can’t quite tell how much she’s aware of. The face staring back at me certainly looks lost, even though she sounds with it. No part of me likes that we’re skirting around the issue. Avoiding the giant elephant in the room. Yet again, I see how easy it is to fall into the trap of going along with these things for the sake of her happiness.
Taking her hand from out of mine with a little too much force, she walks away.
Something’s off.
Everything is right now.
“Ask Jerry if he wants one?”
“Okay.” My eyes stay on the back of her head as she moves around the kitchen. When I finally get my feet to move, the pull towards her only gets stronger, the crack in my heart only gets deeper.
Jesus. I didn’t know it would be this hard.
Swiping my phone from my back pocket, I fire a quick text to Fi briefly telling her what’s gone on. Her worried reply is instant.
Fi: Do you need anything? Can I help?
Keep your phone on you. I’ll call if I need anything
Fi. Okay. Paddy?
Yeah?
Fi: I’m sorry. I didn’t know things were this bad when I asked you to stay
Shoving my phone away, I make it to Jerry’s door, knocking impatiently, wanting to get back downstairs. “You in there?”
The lock on the other side clicks. “What is it?” he asks, eyes red and swollen.
“We’re watching a movie together.” I rake my gaze over his face. He’s been crying.
The muddled look I get matches the way I feel inside. I can’t stop myself from frowning at him.
Rather than give me some smarmy reply, he opens the door wider. “Paddy?”
“What?” I say, hearing how sharp I am with him.
Aggressively swiping his eyes, he blinks away tears. “I’m scared.”
I remain quiet, his honest truth making my feet falter.
Pulling at his hair, staring at the floor, he doesn’t look up when he tells me, “I couldn’t help her. Not once.”
I will myself not to snap at him. “Did you try?”
He nods painfully fast. “Of course I did.”
“How?” I push.
“By carrying on.” His voice is raw. “By keeping things normal. Like I was told to do.”
Hearing the hurt in his voice, I know he only did what their father told him to do. Not really giving how that would have made him feel any thought; pretending life was grand every day, while knowing your sister was slowly fading away, I scrub a hand down my face.
“But they’re not normal,” I console. “Far fucking from it.” It’s not until I look down at him properly do I see eyes the same shade as Morgan’s, waiting for more. “I get why your parents behaved as though everything was the same, I do. But we have to start treating her like she’s living with a serious mental illness. Because that’s exactly what’s going on.”
Quickly looking away, he asks, “How do we do that?”
