Page 26 of The Secret We Keep
I hold my tongue, turning my attention to the door. “I get that curly fries had a crush on me when we were kids. I wasn’t blind. But none of that changes anything. We’ve all moved on.”
“Not all of us.” She looks at me all wide-eyed.
Dropping my chin to my chest, my stomach roils, defeated. “I have to go.” I stride past my sister, reassuringly squeezing her shoulder as I pass. She doesn’t react. Doesn’t say a word.
I’ve ignored coming back here countless times; leaving should be easy. But as I say my goodbyes to my parents and watch them fade in my rearview mirror, everything inside me screams that I’m making a mistake.
Regardless, I have a mountain of my own issues that I need to address when I get back to the city.
It’s noon by the time I make it to my flat. The place is still upturned after Hannah left. Throwing the keys on the side and stepping over the broken glass scattered across the wooden floor from where she was aiming at my head, I go to the cupboard underneath the sink and grab the dustpan and brush.
I was no longer in love with the woman, but it was my fault she left. My fault that she couldn’t stand to look at me without being reminded of that night. The fateful night that clings to me. That no matter how many times I try to rewrite it in my head, I can’t change the ending.
I stepped in because I couldn’t bear to watch things unravel any longer. But his eyes… I watched his expression shift from confusion to hurt, then it was distant. And I knew, before it all played out, that I had done wrong.
I don’t blame her for trashing the place. I took someone dear from her. It will haunt us both.
Even with a million regrets wreaking havoc in my head, it doesn’t take me long to have the place looking half decent. I take a shower and change my clothes before ordering some food. The place is empty. The cupboards bare.
When my phone rings, I answer, slumping down on the sofa with a bowl of noodles. “Hello?” I don’t check the caller ID.
“Don’t hang up on me this time.”
“Tom.” I place the bowl on the small coffee table then sit back.
“You still away?”
“No. Got back a few hours ago.” I check the time pulling my phone away from my ear. “Isn’t today your kid’s birthday, Tom? Why are you calling me?”
The sigh he breathes is drawn out. “I’m calling because we need to talk.”
“Can’t we talk tomorrow at work?” Another sigh, and this time it makes my muscles tighten. “Tom?”
“Look, you and me, we don’t beat around the bush, so I’m just going to go right ahead and say it.”
I sit up straight, heat flooding my face and ears. “Say what?”
“You’re being suspended, Paddy.”
My mouth drops open. My world comes crashing down. “Suspended? On what grounds?” There’s a rush of heat to my face. It’s shame. Confusion. Anger.
“On the grounds that you’re not giving yourself the time to process what happened. You need to take more time; let it really sink in.” Hiswords blur.
I pinch the bridge of my nose, the ground giving way beneath me. “You’re suspending me on medical grounds? Really, Tom?” The uncertainty in my voice stings.
“What we do requires our full attention. You know that better than anybody.”
Which is why I know this is bullshit.
Tom takes a minute before he adds, “Taking time isn’t a bad thing. You need to give yourself a break.”
My face tightens, jaw ticking. “What I need is to be busy.”
“Then be busy doing something for you because it makesyouhappy.”
I don’t bother telling him such a thing doesn’t exist. I stand and walk to the window overlooking the bustling street below. “Do I get paid at least?”
“Certainly.”
