Page 44 of The Secret We Keep
Morgan laughs quietly. I watch her lips roll together then scold myself for keeping my eyes on them for far too long.
I shake myself out of my daze when I hear Evie groan with what hopefully is embarrassment. “See. You can’t. Because your Uncle Padster is not only the funniest man you’ve ever met, but the most stylish, too.”
“Funniest looking,” Evie says under her breath, earning another laugh from Morgan.
My hands land on my hips. “What happened to the cute, innocent little three-year-old who used to love my jokes and find me hilarious?”
Evie copies the way I’m standing. Damn, she may be my late cousin’s kid, but she has the same dark features as me. It’s scary how alike we look. “She went out of fashion, along with those shoes.”
I laugh, bewildered at the same time as Morgan says, “I like the shoes.”
Then my eyes are glued to hers. Yep, she’s blushing again. Internally, I am too.
It’s clear to me that she might see me as more.
And I think the feeling is mutual.
And what’s more, I think it always has been.
“And you’re sure we can let him off here?”
I look at Morgan. We’ve made it through the village and out onto the open fields. Kevin is pulling against his lead, driving me nuts, but he only wants to play with Evie, who’s run up ahead.
“Yeah. He’ll be fine. Plenty of open space for him to run off some steam.” I bend down and unclip the lead.
At first, Kevin is none-the-wiser. Me and Morgan share an excited glance, knowing that as soon as he realises, the little tornado will be gone from under our feet. I become aware in that exact same moment that I’m holding my breath, watching the enthusiastic way Morgan’s eyes widen, and her excitement grows.
She’s glowing. Maybe it’s just being here. Maybe it’s something more. I haven’t seen her like this since the day I caught the three amigos spying on me. I chased them once I saw the camera, knowing it was Fi’s idea and one of her usual schemes to get me into trouble with Pops.I know that most of the shit people thought about me back when we were kids came purely from the lies that Fi spun. I could feel everyone’s assumptions in the air before anyone spoke. It never truly bothered me. In fact, I just played up to it during my rebellious phase. I smoked pot and liked to graffiti on shit. What kid doesn’t? Out of all the lads at school, I was always the responsible one.
Which is why I can’t accept that Aaron dying wasn’t my fault because I was reckless. I’ve lost sleep replaying the day over and over, torturing myself, imagining a million different ways I could have handled things. None of them end well. They just consume me with endless sadness and an overwhelming supply of guilt.
Some days, that guilt eats away at me like a poison rotting me from the inside out. I see his face when I close my eyes. I hear Hannah’s screams when I told her what had happened. Eventually, I need to be okay with it, because there is no going back and changing things, no matter how badly I want to.
“Are you regretting your decision?”
I thought I was doing the right thing.
My head tilts. “No. Coming back here was the right thing to do.” Of that I am certain. Jake was right. I need time to process everything. I can’t do that in the line of fire.
Morgan’s quiet when I look at her, but I practically watch every thought she’s got running through her head. And I can tell. “You didn’t mean about coming home, did you?”
She shakes her head, and somehow, I manage to smile, because of course she didn’t mean about me coming home. “No. I meant about the dog.” Alarmed eyes zip over me. “But we can talk about coming back here if you want.”
My mouth pops open, but I’m frozen in place.
Morgan sucks in a harsh breath. “Never mind.” She quickly walks past me.
Giving her no time to get very far, my hand is pulling hers back.
She looks down at the gesture, then up at me. Silent.
“I don’t know if I can talk about it.” Jesus fuck, what the hell am I saying?
The way she’s looking at me makes me feel bad. It’s confusion mixed with worry, two things I don’t like seeing on her. “I’m sorry—”
“No,” I stop her. “You don’t have to apologise to me. I’m the idiot who didn’t show up when he should have.” I glance over her shoulder, checking Evie before I look down into her round eyes. “But I’m here now.”
I get a smile and watch as she relaxes, her hand still in mine. “How long for?”
