Page 69 of The Secret We Keep
Morgan
I’mnotsurprisedheleft me on read. I’m not surprised because what we’re doing is so new to me, I have no clue whether it’s normal or not. It doesn't feel normal. And last night, it definitely felt like we were flirting with one another.
Maybe I got that wrong?
Having caught the bus again, I barely make it through the morning without a moment of my time being taken up by thoughts of Paddy. It’s a quiet work day, but I survive by organising my new desk and offering to make rounds of tea for everyone.
Come lunch, I find a quiet spot in the small canteen we have here and start eating my rice and salad.
No one talks to me until Sarah finally comes down for her break. I’ve almost finished by the time she heads over.
“Busy day?” I ask, as she takes a seat opposite me.
“Non. Stop.” She slumps her elbows to the table, holding her head in her hands.
“Anything I can do to help?”
She runs both hands through her short hair. “Not on your second day, newbie.” She sits straighter. “No, I’ll be fine. Just going to be one of those days.”
“How do you mean?”
Sarah deadpans. “You know, when you’re constantly dealing with other people’s shit when all you can think about is your own shit.” She opens a small lunch bag in my silence, glancing up at me. “You good?”
I tuck my hair behind my ear. “Yeah. Sorry, I guess I haven’t had one of those days in a long while.”
“You’re lucky then,” she says, taking a bite of her tuna wrap.
The smell makes me want to return to my desk. Which is saying something, because I don’t like it there. It’s my second day and already the customers I’ve had to call have not been kind. I mean, I can’t blame them. Who seriously wants to take a phone call from someone wanting to talk pensions on a Tuesday afternoon?
I glance around the canteen and pick up my things, but not before she reaches forward and grabs my notebook. “What’s this?”
“Oh, no, that’s private.” I put my hand out, assuming she’ll pass it back.
Shifting in her chair, Sarah flicks open a random page, causing my breath to catch in my throat. No one has ever opened that book; not my parents, not even Holly. It’s mine. A safe place free from judgement, free from discrimination.
My jaw clenches. “Sarah. Please, don’t open that,” I rush out.
My raised voice has a few people looking our way.
Before I can stop her, her eyes skim over the lines.
Fortunately, through being distracted, I manage to snatch it back before she can read any more.
“Morgan?”
Feeling a flare of anger mix with embarrassment, I shove my notebook into my bag, rising from my chair with enough force to send it flying. If people weren’t looking before, they certainly are now. “You shouldn’t have done that,” I scold, my nostrils flaring.
The look on Sarah’s face changes before my eyes. At first, I’m certain she thinks I’m joking, but then her eyes widen, and her smile falls flat. “I’m really sorry, Morgan. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“Well, you did,” I huff, my throat tightening. It burns like a wildfire, matching the simmering heat of my blood. In a panic, I pick up my chair and evacuate the canteen before anyone can say anything more. As much as I don’t want it, I need to keep this job. Yelling at the boss’ daughter on only my second day, isn’t going to do me any favours.
Before I leave four hours later, I summon the energy to talk to Sarah. I still haven’t heard from Paddy. As much as I’m ashamed to admit it, I know that’s the reason behind my mood today. I shouldn’t have flown off the handle the way that I did with her. It’s not me. It’s not how I usually react to people.
Then again, I’m not used to being around people. Perhaps this is what it’s like. Perhaps every day is like this: second guessing what you said or how you reacted in a situation. If it is, I’m not sure I can get used to it.
“Sarah?”
She isn’t on the phone which has pretty much been the story of her day. “Yeah?” she replies, turning to face me.
