Page 97 of The Secret We Keep
“No dogging,” I sayunder my breath.
When his phone rings, we both look at the call connecting to his Bluetooth.
“Who’s that?” I ask without giving it a thought.
The name Tom flashes across the screen.
Paddy’s thumb lingers over the green shaped telephone button on the wheel. “My boss.”
Life is good
Morgan
TWOMONTHSLATER
Life is good.
A little over two months of having a routine and some stability has made me feel like… well, me.
I’m earning my own money.
Sleeping better.
Eating better.
Smiling more.
I won’t pretend like some days aren’t hard but facing them feels easier. I still avoid large crowds if I can and prefer going places I know, but it’s no longer stopping me from doing things.
I’m happier. And while I’m proud of myself, it doesn’t take a genius to work out that I owe a lot of this new, old me, to Paddy.
My friend.
Sitting on a blanket under the oak tree, the early morning sun kisses my face, warming me. A nearby pony snuffles the grass, picking at the short blades protruding from the light layer of frost, not fazed by being so close to me.
His gentle nibbling makes me stop. With a sigh, I close my notebook with the pen inside.
Truth is, over the past few weeks, I’ve allowed myself to overthink about myfriend.
Because that’s what Paddy and I still are.
Friends.
I like to think of our relationship as comfortable. Just two people who, regardless of how much we get on or look out for one another, never seem to tell each other how we really feel.
Although comfortable with him is nice, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want more. I know it. I’m pretty sure he knows it too. And yet, nothing ever amounts to anything.
Paddy likes me in the same way, I’m certain. I mean, not to sound big headed, but we spend almost all of our free time together over at his place. And, there are these moments when I think he’s going to kiss me like he did at Evie’s competition or tell me he has feelings for me. I was once even so sure he was about to tell me something; I mentally made a bet with myself that this was it. Finally, we were about to move out of the friend zone, and Paddy O’Keefe would be my boyfriend.
But he never did, and I felt short changed.
The pony raises his head, staring at me with his ears facing forward.
“Sorry.”
One of his ears faces backwards before he drops his head back to the grass.
Yeah, I wish my head would quieten too.
