Page 170 of The Secret We Keep
“Do you have any more recent photos of Holly?” I begin. “It might be worth taking a look through them if you do. They might help.”
Her hands disappear up her sleeves.
My head drops. I don’t want to leave her side. It aches thinking about how alone she must have felt all this time. I want to be right by her in her hour of need. But I also know that crowding her will only confuse her more. “I’ll be right outside the door.” I close the door behind me, feeling so disconnected, the machine in my chest aches with every beat.
Half an hour later, I wait, sitting on the floor outside of her room.
Gentle footsteps come up the stairs. “Cup of tea.” Julie passes me a steaming mug. “And the photo you asked for.”
I want something stronger than tea, but I offer up a, “Thanks,” with a small smile, accepting both things from her.
Julie looks at the door. “She’s not come out yet?”
I take a sip from my mug. “Not yet.”
She rubs her face with both hands. “We’re not awful parents.” Her voice is meek and downcast.
“I didn’t say you were.”
“But you’re thinking it.”
Shaking my head, I peer up at her standing over me. “Not anymore.”
She lets out a choked sob. “Thank you.” Then she sits next to me, leaning back against the wall.
“You don’t need to thank me. I love your daughter, Mrs Brooks. I get why you went along with it.”
Her throat bobs as she tells me, “Doctors said we had to accept Holly was real for her, even though we couldn’t hear her. If she believes it, then we should too. We let her believe her best friend was right where she needed her to be out of love, nothing else.”
I turn my head to look at her.
“Seeing her happy was easier than seeing her so lost.” Twisting her head, she looks at me, and one single tear drips down her cheek. “But it got harder. The longer we went without telling her the truth, the harder it got.”
There’s a light clatter of plates coming from downstairs.
She dries her eyes. “There’s food, if you want some.”
“No, thank you.” I can’t stand the thought of eating. “I’m not hungry.”
Julie appeases me, giving me a smile. “Me either.”
I take in the woman next to me. At a little over forty, Julie looks more like a woman in her mid-fifties. The strain and weight of their family dynamics has aged her.
“I feel guilty for leaving all those years ago,” I say honestly, even though I know things might have worked out the same for Morgan, regardless of my presence.
“You can’t feel guilty for something like this. Trust me, I did too when we first had her diagnosis.”
My chest tightens. “I know.” I suck in a breath. “But if I hadn’t left, maybe… I don’t know… Maybe I could have helped her sooner. It wouldn’t have got this bad. I would have seen what was happening and been able to help.” The back of my head hits the wall in frustration.
She smiles again at me compassionately. “No you wouldn’t, Paddy. You had to go and become the man you are today. If you’d stayed, you wouldn’t be in the position to help her like you can now.”
I think. “What if it doesn’t help? What if it’s all for nothing?”
“Bill showed me the information you gave him. The residential clinic you found looks like a good place for her.”
The back of my eyes begin to burn. The thought of Morgan beingalone in a place she doesn’t know terrifies me. A place I searched high and low for as soon as I found out what was wrong.
“I don’t want her to be alone.”
