Page 28 of The Secret We Keep
The pair of them look at each other knowingly. “Yeah, but for what, Paddy? The accident?” Danny asks impatiently. He sips his beer again and places it back down on the beer mat, eyes still on me.
It was poor judgement on my part to assume we could come here and avoid talking about what happened. I knock back my pint in one go, wiping the corner of my mouth when I’m done.
When I look at Jake, his eyebrows almost hit the ceiling. “Jesus Christ,” he says.
“That’s not a good sign,” Danny mutters.
My head turns to him. “Your round next.”
He drops his gaze to his still full glass. “When I catch up, lad.”
I grab my wallet from my back pocket. “Drink up then, princess, you’re about to be two behind.” I get up from my seat and head to the bar.
Not missing the look exchanged and the slight dropping of Jake’s head when I return a few minutes later, I sit, fresh beer in hand.
I start downing it like I did the last, the silence around the table fucking palpable.
“Paddy?”
I don’t stop myself.
“Paddy,” Jake repeats gently.
I almost drink the whole glass dry, but slow down feeling the burn in my chest. “What is it, Jake?” I eventually say.
“You know what.”
I shrug, about to finish my beer, but pause with the rim of the glass to my lips. “If you know what, then you know his death is on me.” Ifinish my drink, the words on my tongue like daggers in my flesh. My chest aches saying them out loud.
Jake’s jaw stiffens. “Bullshit. It was an accident. The police investigation proved it.”
I fake a laugh, looking up towards the bar. Both of my mates know about the crash. They know I was arrested after and swiftly cleared of any wrongdoing. They don’t know why we crashed, though. I haven’t shared that with anybody. “Nowthat’sbullshit.”
Going to stand, Danny gets up before me. “I’ll get this one, lad, but I don’t think drinking anymore is going to help you.”
“Yeah, coming here might have been a mistake, Paddy.”
My eyes land on Jake’s. It feels like every tick of the clock pounds in my head until I steady my fraying nerves just enough so that I can speak. “The first mistake I made was letting Aaron treat everyone like shit for as long as he did. The second was thinking I could make him see what he was doing was wrong, and the third…” I shake my head, biting the inside of my mouth out of anger at myself. “The third was believing that I was doing the right thing by trying to help in the first place.”
“Youdiddo the right—” Jake starts, but I cut him off.
“Save it.” Flicking open my wallet, I throw some cash on the table. “Get yourselves another round on me.” My frustration at myself is high. Anything these two try to tell me is going to flip my fucking lid. “Sorry for dragging you out here.” I get up and start walking towards the door.
“What changed?” Danny fires at me. “You were fine yesterday back home.”
I halt and when I turn, I can see Danny’s irritation, but more than anything, I can see the look of worry in his eyes. Even as kids I could always tell exactly what these two were thinking. “I almost made thesame mistake again.” Who knows what damage I might have caused if I’d tried to help Morgan.
“With Morgan Brooks?” he says roughly.
My agitation spikes. “Why do you say it like that?”
“What do you mean?” he counters.
I step closer to the table I walked away from. “Like the thought of me hanging out with her is ridiculous?” He opens his mouth to speak, but I take another closing step, leaving him silent. “You’ve got the same look on your face that her father did before he sent her inside like she was still a kid.”
Jake looks up at Danny, who’s staring blankly at me.
“I just think she needs something more than an old friend. That’s all, Paddy.”
