Page 36 of The Secret We Keep
“I know. But what with the new job, I figured this could be a good thing.”
“For who?” I manage to say, my throat tightening.
“For you, of course.” She embraces me, pulling me tight.
“This is… This is really great. Thank you.” My insides crumble like a cliff face.
“I’m so pleased you like it. Dad will be pleased too.” Mum glides towards the kettle, grabbing herself a mug. “Is it today you hear back?”
My slow steps come to a stop near the table. “Yeah. By end of day.”
She beams over her shoulder. “Maybe once you hear we can go for dinner? Cinema, even? Would you like that?”
I can’t use Holly as an excuse to get out of it. “Oh, I can’t.”
Mum turns. “Oh?”
There aren’t enough things for me to look at around the room we’re standing in. So, like an idiot, I say the first thing that comes to my head. “Yeah. Um, actually, I promised Siobhan I would walk her dog for her.”
I’m surprised the mug doesn’t shatter when Mum drops it. “Siobhan?”
My bottom lip disappears under the weight of my teeth. “Yeah. Siobhan. Mrs O’Keefe,” I correct myself, holding out a dismissive hand while I explain myself. “I saw her the other day, after my interview. She bought me a coffee while I held Kevin.”
Mum’s questioning eyes widen. “Kevin?”
“Her dog. Well, puppy, actually. I offered to walk him.”
“You offered to walk Siobhan’s puppy?”
I narrow my eyes. “Am I not saying it right?”
That has her back straightening slightly. Her mouth pops open before she quickly shuts it again. “No. Yes… I don’t know what to say. I’m a little surprised. That’s all.”
Yeah. Me too. “I know.” My teeth grind together, and my feet begin back tracking out of the room. I hate lying to her—to anyone, in fact. I don’t even knowwhyI’m lying.
The idea of the outside world being in the palm of my hand terrifies me. I grew up without a phone. I survived. As far as I’m concerned, I don’t need it.
Everyone has one. Don’t be stupid.
But I’m not like everyone else. I’m just me. Quiet, keeps herself to herself, Morgan. The girl who worries. The girl who’s scared to move on. The girl whose bloody legs are turning to jelly because things are changing unexpectedly.
I watch Mum’s eyes drop to my feet. “Where are you going, hun?”
I reach out and grab hold of the wall for balance. “For a run,” I splutter, cursing myself under my breath.
“A run?”
That’s my second lie of the day and the sun isn’t even fully up. “Yeah.” I try to sound convincing. “Might as well. It’s a lovely morning.”
My feet move faster. My heart rate intensifies.
Mum’s eyes grow wider. “But you haven’t run since… well, since… since…”
I’m out of the kitchen, taking the stairs two at a time. “Don’t worry, if I get tired, I’ll walk.” Which isn’t a lie. I’m not even sure that I can still run.
There’s something about doing something you used to love which you haven’t done in ages, that triggers forgotten memories. I can’t remember when we stopped running, but it’s something me, Holly and Fi used to do together all the time.
Even if it was raining cats and dogs, the three of us would be out and across the open fields, chasing the horizon like we were unstoppable. It didn’t matter what the world was throwing at us, shaking off the cobwebs, as we used to say, made everything feel a little bit lighter. I don’t see why I couldn’t start again.
