Page 1 of The Naughty Professor
ChapterOne
Felix
“Dr.Sterling,” Juniper snapped, “if you touch that beaker, I swear I’m writing my will.”
I adjusted my glasses and squinted at the beaker.Juniper cleared her throat again.Loudly.
“Juniper, it was a minor hiccup last time.”
Her arms crossed.“A hiccup?You nearly blew the ventilation hood off the ceiling.”
“Teensy mistake,” I said, pinching my fingers together.“Barely worth mentioning.”
Her eyes rolled so hard I swear they made a full orbit.Truth was, she had a point.Last semester’s demonstration of “controlled exothermic chain reactions”—an experiment designed to dazzle freshmen and convince them chemistry wasn’t just about memorizing the periodic table—had ended with the fume hood coughing black smoke like an old diesel engine.I’d spent the rest of the afternoon filling out safety reports and apologizing to the janitorial staff.
But I wasn’t about to let Juniper, my twenty-four-year-old teaching assistant with a Napoleon complex, dictate my syllabus.Even if she was right ninety-nine percent of the time.
Juniper was the kind of Gen Z goth who could make fishnet tights look like battle armor.Curvy and unapologetically so, she had a cascade of inky-black hair with purple streaks, kohl eyeliner sharp enough to draw blood, and a wardrobe that was ninety percent black leather and band tees from groups I’d never heard of.
“Trust me,” I said, with a confidence I didn’t feel, “I’ve got it under control.”
Juniper leaned against the counter, her ponytail swinging like a metronome of disapproval.“Control?You?”She jabbed a finger at the beakers and burners.“This is a bomb waiting to happen, and you’re acting like it’s a soufflé recipe.”
“Now, now,” I said, forcing a smile.“That’s not fair.I can’t cook a soufflé to save my life.”
She didn’t laugh.She never did at my jokes.
So I did what any man backed into a corner would do: I changed the subject.“How was your… ah… business event last night?”
Juniper’s eyes lit up instantly.“Pleasureware?”
“That’s the one.”
“Oh, it was amazing, Dr.Sterling.”She leaned forward, suddenly animated in a way she never was about chemistry.“I cleared almost a thousand dollars in one night.One fucking night!”
I blinked.“On… sex toys?”
“On high-quality personal massagers and accessories, thank you very much.”Her grin was sharp, like she dared me to make it weird.
I nodded slowly.Juniper’s side hustle was selling sex toys at house parties—her own brand of Tupperware gatherings, but with vibrators instead of plastic bowls.She was terrifyingly good at it.I, meanwhile, struggled to get a decent paycheck even with a PhD and a closet full of tweed jackets.
Briefly, I wondered if I should moonlight in the sex toy business.The cash was tempting.But then I pictured myself standing in front of a living room full of strangers, holding up something called the “Triple Thruster 9000,” and explaining how many settings it had.I’d keel over from embarrassment before I sold a single unit.
“Well, congratulations,” I said, meaning it.
Juniper’s eyes gleamed with mischief.That was never a good sign.“Actually, Dr.Sterling, I’ve got something for you.”
Panic prickled at the back of my neck.Last time she’d said that, she’d handed me a strand of shiny beads.I’d assumed it was a bracelet.An odd gift, sure, but I was raised to be polite.The next day, I decided to wear it to class.I’d wrapped it around my wrist, and since I couldn’t find a clasp, I held it in place with a safety pin.
Juniper had walked in, taken one look at me, and collapsed into laughter so violent she had to sit down.
“What?”I’d asked, bewildered.
She’d pried the “bracelet” off my wrist and explained, between gasps, that it was called The Pearls of Pleasure—also known as anal beads.
I had never wanted the earth to swallow me whole so badly in my life.
Now she was rummaging through her bag again, and I whispered a prayer to every deity I could think of.Please, please let it not be another… sex thingy.
