Page 19 of Kane's Awakening
“I want more than this,” I said in a shaky voice, staring into his blue eyes and wishing he’d see me the way I saw him. “Please.”
Didn’t he know how much I cared for him—how happy we could be if he allowed it? I was tired of being used. Sick of being his secret.
“You’re a fuckin’ fool, Kane,” Devon answered as he stroked my cheek, wiping away my tears. He was amused at my pain and seemed to get off on it. “I’ll never give you your happy ending. Hell, no one will. Whores don’t get to run off with the prince and get their happily ever after. You’re just a hole to me, a means to an end. So, stop that damn crying and turn over.”
I did as he said, defeated and with a crack forming in my chest.
My heart ached at the memory, and I tore my stare from his before jogging toward the hallway leading to the locker room.
“Kane!” he called after me.
I picked up my pace and ran down the hall, quickly typed in the code to get through the doors, and zoomed to my locker. My hands shook as I worked the combination lock, and I cursed under my breath as I screwed it up and had to start again. Finally, I got it after the third time. I threw the locker open and gathered my things, not bothering to change because I wanted to get out of there as fast as possible.
I didn’t know if Devon had followed me or not, but I wasn’t going to fucking wait around and find out.
After tossing everything into my gym bag, I headed back out the door and to the exit. He was nowhere in sight, but I didn’t stop to breathe a sigh of relief. Instead, I hightailed it to my truck, jammed the keys into the ignition with still shaking hands, and drove off.
That damn saying ofsticks and stoneswas wrong. Most wounds healed over time, but the mental abuse lasted a lifetime. It was a pain that seeped into my very core and surfaced when I tried to let go of the hurt and move on with my life.
Words had the power to shatter someone in ways that left it impossible to pick up the pieces, and I feared no one could put me back together.
***
I needed a distraction. After the almost-encounter with Devon, I’d rushed home and practically barricaded myself in my house. My pulse had taken forever to finally slow. And yeah, I felt like a pansy ass bitch, but no amount of self-preparation could’ve prepared me for seeing him again.
Molly had her head lying in my lap as we sat on the couch. She seemed to suspect something was wrong with me because she hadn’t left my side since I’d come through the door. I scratched behind her ears, and she closed her eyes and panted before licking my other hand.
She’s the only lady that could ever come between me and a man.
Thinking of men, I grabbed my phone and clicked on the hookup app I’d downloaded a while back.
Sometimes it was difficult finding gay guys around there, so the app helped narrow down my search and made it easier. My profile said upfront what I wanted, so it saved me from the awkward conversations—or lack thereof—afterward. None of my pics ever showed my face, which was fine because it showed my body and that’s what mattered, and I didn’t have my real name listed, just a funny username. Since I was a cop, that wouldn’t look too good if word got out.
I’d had quite a bit of luck on it so far, although most of the guys weren’t local with the exception of a few. But even then, they’d only been a twenty-minute drive away.
As I scrolled through their pics, none of them really captured my attention.
Yeah, some were cute, but something was off. Maybe I was too lazy to get my ass up and go anywhere, or maybe the thing with my asshole ex-boyfriend just screwed up my whole evening and put me off sex. I hated whatever it was.
Looks like it’ll be my hand again tonight.
But then a face appeared on the screen that made me stop scrolling and damn near drop the phone. Ryker. And damn, he looked fucking incredible in his pic. I clicked on his profile to check it out. His username was so him, too. Just Ryker.
Looking for Mr. Right—cheesy, I know. Sorry.
My name is Ryker, and I’m thirty-one. My life is great. I have a loving family and a job I love, but I want more. Someone to spend my life with. I consider myself friendly, caring, dedicated, and funny (sometimes.) Although I don’t spend as much time outside as I would like, I love the outdoors, and I go on hikes when I have the time.
I’m not quite sure what I will find on here. One-night stands aren’t really my thing. I want something more meaningful that will last. If you feel like I’m someone you may enjoy getting to know, send me a message, and we can start from there.
After reading hisabout mesection, my previous excitement waned. Just as I’d expected. He was a relationship guy—the opposite of everything I wanted.
A weight settled on my chest as I remembered my time with him and how I couldn’t get him out of my head ever since. Would it be an asshole move to message him, even though I knew I wasn’t his Mr. Right?
Yes, Kane. The answer is yes.
The thought didn’t stop me from clicking the “message me” button, and it sure as hell didn’t stop me from typing,Hey, sexy. Remember me? Because I remember you ;),and hitting send.
I was for sure going to hell for this.
