Page 37 of Kane's Awakening
“You could’ve put it in your damn novel length description on the site,” I pointed out, clenching my fist at my side. “For fuck’s sake, you had everythingelseon there.”
“I was just a sex buddy in your eyes,” he said, staring at me with disbelief. “So, why in the hell would I tell you something so personal without knowing you first?”
“Fuck if I know,” I answered, which wasn’t much of an answer, but whatever. “You could’ve still told me.”
“Why?”
Because you mean something to me.
“It doesn’t matter, Ryker. And honestly?” I held his gaze, already hating myself for what I was about to say. “I’m glad I found out tonight. Now we can end this thing for real.”
The irritation in his eyes waned, and his face fell. “So, kids are a deal breaker for you? You can’t even have fun with a guy who has them?”
“You said you didn’twantjust fun, so yeah, dude. That’s where I draw the line.” Then something else occurred to me. “Are you even gay?”
“What kind of question is that?” he asked, clearly confused. “You’ve been in my ass more times than my doctor.”
“What the fuck? You screw your doctor? How does that relate to this?”
Ryker chuckled and quickly cut it off. “No. I meant… never mind. I’m gay, all right? Do you think just because I have kids I must be in the closet, denying who I am, or something along those lines?”
“Well, yeah.”Duh.
“A man can’t be bi?” he asked.
“Are you?”
“No.” He leaned back against the counter and crossed his arms. “It took me longer to figure out my sexuality. I dated a girl in high school and a little through college before I finally realized. She got pregnant, and yeah, she was pissed when I told her I was gay, but we made it work eventually.” Happiness momentarily sparked in his baby blues. “I don’t regret it either and never have. My kids are everything to me.”
Maybe it had come as such a shock to me because for a split second, I thought of Devon. Of how I’d been his dirty secret through high school—the piece of ass on the side—while he still fucked his girlfriend. I never wanted to feel that again; the hurt of being rejected and the feeling of not being good enough.
Then, I had to remind myself that I’d told Ryker I didn’t want anything more than sex. It’s hard to be rejected when I’m the one calling the shots.
“Kane?” He started walking toward me, and I stepped back, bumping into the stove. He stopped. “Do you want me to leave?”
No.“Yeah.”
Ryker nodded and stepped back. He left the kitchen and crossed the small barrier that changed from tile to carpet for the living room. Molly was lying on the couch, and she perked up as he passed her. He went down the small hall back toward my bedroom, more than likely to get his clothes since he was just in his boxers. About a minute or so later, he came into view, fully clothed.
I could see the front door from where I stood, and he approached it.
Don’t let him leave,I told myself. But instead, I stood in place. Said nothing.
He opened it, but hesitated before looking back. “Goodnight, Kane.”
Then, he was gone.
***
Not many people knew it, but I was a total country boy—well I used to be anyway. I mean, basically everywhere was country around Van Buren, but I lived in town those days. If you drove out of town, there was nothing but dirt roads, rolling hills, ponds, and grassy fields.
So even whileintown, you still weren’t far from the wild, so to speak.
Growing up, I’d lived in a house that sat on one hundred acres of land with no neighbors in sight. We’d had a chicken coop with over a dozen chickens, a barn that housed bales of hay we’d gather, and a shed that held all the farming equipment and lawn mowers. We’d had cattle, too, that stayed in our back field and grazed.
I’d loved it.
There was even one time in my life where I thought I’d be a cowboy when I grew up. I’d wanted to make a living off the farm, train horses, and ride in rodeos when it was rodeo season. But just like all things in life, I changed. I stopped dreaming of the simple life and wanted more for myself, no longer satisfied with just settling down on a farm.
