Page 59 of Kane's Awakening
I turned my head to the side and saw Ryker standing beside the bed, looking down at me with disgust.
“You’re nothing but a whore,” Ryker said, shaking his head and backing away. “How could I ever want someone like you?”
“Ryker…” Tears blurred my vision, and I tried to reach out to him. “I’m sorry. Please don’t leave me.”
Devon grabbed my arms and pinned them behind my back, preventing me from touching Ryker.
No. I wasn’t that weak kid anymore. With a yell, I pulled my arms free and shoved Devon away from me.
Both of them disappeared, leaving me alone in the room.
“You did this.”
When I woke up, my pillow was wet. Molly was beside me, staring at me with her big eyes and her ears were down. I couldn’t even tell her I was okay like usual because I was far from it. I grabbed her and buried my face in her fur, unable to stop myself from fucking crying again.
She licked the side of my head and whined. Of course, that only made me cry harder until I was gasping and frantic.
I eventually calmed down and pet her a little before sitting up and wiping at my eyes, clearing my throat.
That had been one hell of a fucked-up dream. Not only had it brought in my struggle with having killed a guy, but also my relationship issues, and the shit with Devon, too.
And Ryker.
Fuck, I’d do anything in that moment to have him next to me, but I’d really pushed him away the last time. I doubted there was any fixing that, and if there was, I was too much of a chicken shit to do it.
I didn’t know what day it was because since being put on administrative leave, all my days had started blending together. After grabbing my phone from the nightstand, I checked the date and saw it was Thursday, the twenty-second. Oh, right.
I had another appointment with Dr. Chase later. Over a week had passed since the incident, and I still hadn’t really opened up to him, other than briefly talking about the shooting.
Maybe I’d actually talk that day. God knew I needed it.
There was a missed call from my mom, and I listened to the voicemail. She said she was thinking of me and wanted me to call her back when I got the chance. It was an everyday thing with her. My parents hadn’t taken the news of the shooting that well. They both worried about me, which felt good to know I was cared about, but it also felt like I was being smothered.
Craig had called me a lot, too, asking when I’d be back to work. I never had an answer for him, but I hoped it was soon.
Not in the mood to answer a million questions, I made a mental note to return Mom’s call later, and I got my sorry ass out of bed and went to the kitchen to start some coffee.
As I waited on the damn thing to brew, something came over me. Before I could stop myself, I grabbed my phone, scrolled to Ryker’s name, and called him.
Two rings before a hesitant, “Hello?”
“Ryker? Hey, it’s Kane.”
“Yeah. I know,” he said, sounding irritated. “What do you want?”
You.
“Um, I just…” Words failed me. I was such a fucking wreck. I wanted to be comforted, to feel like I mattered in his life. Maybe that was childish thinking, but dammit, I needed him. But how could I say that after I’d told him the last we talked that all I’d sought him out for was sex. “I… ne—”
“Spit it out, Kane. I’m busy. I have about eight documents on my desk that need to be approved and mailed out before noon. I don’t have time for this.”
“I miss you,” I said in a rush, afraid he was about to hang up. The confession felt good, as if a burden had been lifted just by saying those three words. “Fuck, Ryker. I miss you. A lot.”
Silence weighed on the other end. I hated it. It reminded me of my dream. I needed to hear his voice.
“I’m not falling for it,” he finally said in a softer voice than the harsh one he’d been using since answering the phone. “You say you miss me, but I know what you miss, and I can’t do this anymore.” He sounded so defeated. “I’m not a yo-yo that you can just throw away and pull back in at your convenience.”
“You’re not a yo-yo to me,” I denied, holding the phone closer to my face as if that would somehow make him realize I was telling the truth. Standing in the kitchen, I looked at the stove and remembered what he looked like standing in front of it, cooking bacon and eggs and looking so fucking adorable. Taking care of me when I’d needed him most. “Youdomean more to me than sex.”
