Page 61 of Kane's Awakening
“Have you gone to the gym since the shooting?”
“Not as much as I should,” I admitted.
For the rest of the session, we hit on more of my issues—my fears and dark thoughts I’d started having. Dr. Chase was pleased about me opening up that day, and as much as I’d once fought against it, it was amazing to finally say all the things I had kept locked inside my head.
It might not have been ahugestep forward, but we’d made progress. So, it was something.
After the appointment, I decided to stop by the police station. When I walked through the front door, Craig looked up from his computer and his eyebrows shot up.
“Kane! Dude. About time you showed your ugly mug around here.” Beneath his snarky remark, there was concern.
“Can’t get rid of me that easy,” I said with more humor than I felt. “Is the captain in?”
“Yeah, he should be in his office.”
“Thanks, man,” I said before walking to the back and passing the row of desks.
Other officers greeted me and asked how I felt and when I was returning to work. They’d been worried about me, and as fucked-up as it was to say, I appreciated it. I asked one of them if they’d heard anything more about Harry, and they said he was fine and back to his asshole sense of humor, but was still healing obviously and hadn’t returned to work either.
Making it to Frank’s office, I knocked on the door and waited.
“Come in,” a deep voice said from inside. When I opened the door, he studied me with a slight frown on his face. “Why are you here, Matthews?”
After walking farther into the room, I stood in front of his desk. “Sorry to bother you, sir. I just want to know when I can come back to work. I’m going stir crazy at home.”
“Well, you haven’t been cleared yet,” he answered, dropping the file he’d been looking over on to his desk. “Not by Dr. Chase or by Internal Affairs. Until your investigation is complete, you aren’t permitted to have your gun or your badge, so I suggest you find something to help occupy your time.”
Shit.
“Yes, sir.”
He dismissed me, and I left his office, saying bye to the officers I passed and faking a smile. I hadn’t realized how much I needed to be back at work, until I was told I couldn’t return yet. My mood had dropped even more, and just the effort it took to fake being okay was too much.
Craig was harder to fool, but somehow I managed to make it past him with minimal conversation. If it wasn’t for the phone ringing, I probably would’ve been stalled longer, but luck was on my side for once.
Thank god.
It had been a while since I drank outside of a social gathering or club setting, but my mood called for it that day. Just anything to help numb me even further and block out the shit floating through my head.
Talking to the shrink had helped me some, but now I was obsessing over who Ryker was dating—more specifically, fucking—and wondering if the guy was better than me in bed. He hadn’t said if they’d had sex yet, but I knew better than to believe otherwise.
The thought of someone else touching Ryker pissed me off, and I slammed my door once I was back inside my truck.
Yeah. I needed a stiff drink.
