Page 65 of Kane's Awakening
Chapter Nineteen
Kane
Drowning. It wasn’t as bad as it sounded. Under the water, nothing reached me—no noise. Not even the nightmares in my head broke through. It was as if the water took away all of the bullshit and just let me have a moment of peace for the first time in over a week.
If I was being honest, though, my issues were present even before the shooting: hiding my pain behind a phony confidence, using men the way I hated to be used just so they couldn’t hurt me first, and pretending I was okay when I really felt empty inside.
I was tired of it all.
But now I feel free.Weightless.
Even the burn in my lungs as they struggled for air was welcomed—at least I feltsomething.
Submerging myself under the water and staying that way hadn’t been my intention. It just kind of happened. I’d had one too many drinks—I hadn’t really stopped drinking from the night before, drinking and falling asleep before waking back up and doing it all over again. I’d noticed how rancid I smelled, so I’d run a bath, stripped down, and sunk down into the tub.
Then, I’d just sunk even more until my head was beneath the water.
And I wasn’t sure yet if I was going to pull myself back up.
I’d never contemplated suicide. Not really. It didn’t feel like suicide, though. It was more just me giving in and letting whatever happened happen. If my lungs gave out from lack of oxygen and I passed out, so be it.
It’d be better if I was gone. I was fucking miserable and in a constant state of self-hatred. The only time I liked myself was when I was with Ryker… and I’d crushed his heart with my stupid fucking defense mechanism of pushing people away
Opening my eyes, I stared up at the ceiling. Through the water, everything looked fuzzy. A twisted perception of the world around me, or maybe it reflected reality, showing how things actually were. Hazy and uncertain.
My body convulsed and my lungs screamed for air, but I didn’t move—didn’t float back up those three or so inches to the surface to relieve the sting.
I closed my eyes, and my legs started shaking. Strange how it felt like my whole body was on fire, even though I was immersed in water. I heard a low thudding sound that echoed beneath the water.
Noise wasn’t supposed to be able to reach me down there, and yet, it still did. The thudding turned into a banging, and I thought I heard a deep voice calling out to me.
Then, arms came around my chest and pulled me from the water.
Breaking the surface, everything came back to life—noise and all sensations. I gasped and filled my lungs with air, blinking away the water from my eyes. When I was able to focus, I saw Ryker in front of me.
Tears were in his eyes, and different emotions flickered across his face—sadness, relief, and then anger.
“What thefuckwere you doing?” he asked before pulling me back against him. He buried his face in my hair, and his body shook.
“I was just taking a b-bath,” I mumbled, disoriented. My voice sounded slurred and odd to my ears. “T-that’s all.”
“You reek of booze. Jesus, Kane, what’s gotten into you?” Ryker sat back to give me some space. His watery blue eyes carefully studied me. And fuck, he looked so sexy—the stubble on his squared jaw and that beauty mark beneath his eye.
He was soaking wet, and I wondered why. Then, I remembered I was still in the water and he’d pulled me up. I was naked, and he was in jeans, a sweater, and a jacket. I didn’t care or feel embarrassed about my nakedness, either. He’d seen my junk more than any other guy had… well all other guys apart from one, but I didn’t want to think ofthatfucking asshole.
Molly ran and jumped up on the edge of the tub, licking my face.
Still sluggish, I slowly scratched her ears and leaned my head against hers. My eyes began closing again, and there wasn’t a point in fighting it. I wouldn’t win that battle.
“Kane? Open your eyes, baby.”
I wanted to answer him, but I couldn’t. That hazy feeling had returned, and I felt like I was drowning again—but that time in some kind of fog.
Ryker’s voice started falling away and growing softer until I couldn’t hear him anymore.
***
A hammer was going to town in my damn head and right behind my eyes. The pain was so intense that I groaned and leaned over the side of the bed and puked right into the trashcan. Fuck, the acidic taste burned as it came up my throat, which only resulted in making me puke more violently.
