Page 75 of Kane's Awakening
Chapter Twenty-One
Kane
March. It wasn’t just a new month, but kind of a new me, too. Midway through the month and my perspective was different on not only relationships but about myself as well. Yeah, I still had major trust issues and it would take way longer than a few weeks to change years of habit, but it was a start.
There were still times when Ryker touched me, and I’d have the instinct to jerk out of his hold because it felt too intimate. Then, there were the instances where he held me, and I’d melt into him, taking the kindness he offered. And in those moments, my worries couldn’t touch me. Like he was a damn lighthouse, and I was the ship trapped on stormy waters, desperate to get to safety and being guided by his light. That’s how he made me feel.
When I’d look into his eyes and see the compassion in his gaze, I didn’t feel worthless or unlovable like Devon had told me I was.
I felt safe.
Ryker was changing me for the better, breaking down my walls little by little. I’d been in abadplace for so long, but I wasn’t there anymore. Not since he had swooped in and saved me like a fucking superhero bottom. Like Bottom Lad or some shit.
During my last scheduled session with Dr. Chase, he’d cleared me to go back to work—which would be desk duty until Internal Affairs cleared me, too. But I’d take it. Anything was better than staying at home another goddamned day. He’d also recommended the shooting range thing, but I still hadn’t gone.
I’d also finally talked to Harry, which had helped ease some of my worry. He was doing great and healing, both physically and mentally. He’d been required to go to therapy as well, and he’d confided in me over the phone, saying how he’d had the same issues about loud noises and flashbacks of the incident.
So, he’d made me feel not so alone in that sense.
That morning, I took a shower and was walking to grab clothes from my closet, when I heard a man give a breathy moan. My text tone. Ryker made fun of me for having it, and when I told him that it washistext tone, he’d blushed.
My sexy bashful man.
Ryker:Good morning. Have a great day at work. I hope I can see you later.
We hadn’t seen each other the night before because he had dinner with Anna and the twins, and then he’d caught up on work before bed. After seeing him almost every night for over two weeks, one night apart made me all achy and eager to see him again.
The dependency scared me, but I had to remind myself that Ryker was unlike any other man I’d met or fucked. He was a category all of his own.
Me:Morning, sexy. Let’s meet up around 6 for dinner and then come to my house so I can fuck ur brains out ;)
Ryker:It’s always sex with you.
I stared at his text way longer than what was necessary. He meant more to me than sex, so much fucking more, but sex was the only way I knew how to express my feelings. My fingers started typing out a text before my brain could catch up.
Me:Ok… no sex tonight. I promise. I want to take u on a real date, somewhere nice for dinner, and hell, even a movie afterward if u want.
I was way out of my comfort zone with all the dating stuff, but I couldn’t lose him again. Wouldn’t lose him. That night would be about getting to know each other betteroutsideof the bedroom. I’d told him weeks before that I wanted more, and even though we’d gotten closer and had talked a lot, we still hadn’t actually gone anywhere together other than his house or mine. And all of those times had ended in sex. Hours of sex.
Ryker:Really? You’d do that?
Me:Fucking you is amazing, Rye, but that’s not all I want. And tonight, I’ll prove it.
Ryker deserved romance, and I’d try my fucking hardest to give it to him.
After setting my phone down, I finished getting ready, fed Molly, and left for work. Walking into the station, Craig was the first to notice me. I was sure there were snarky comments just waiting to spew out of his mouth.
My first day back to work had been the past Monday, and so far, things had gone great. It had been awkward the first day, but Craig had a way of making uncomfortable situations less so, and soon, it felt like old times.
Almost.
“Hey, fuck face,” he said after checking to make sure other officers weren’t around. “You ready for all the excitement?”
“Oh yeah. Can’t wait,” I responded with a scoff. “I’m getting hard just thinking about it.”
Being behind a desk all day sucked, and it was boring as hell doing all the damn paperwork and answering the phone, but it wasn’t too bad. Better than the alternative: sitting at home alone and slipping slowly into madness.
“You doing okay, though?” Craig asked, becoming serious. “Desk duty is only temporary. Once they get that shit solved, you’ll get your gun and badge back.”
