Page 85 of Kane's Awakening
Punching him had felt awesome—freeing—as if the swinging of my arm had punished him and rejected the negative thoughts he caused at the same time. Like a literalfuck youto show him Iwasn’tthat submissive weakling I used to be.
Devon barged forward, but stopped about a foot in front of me, glaring. The same icy blue glare that had once made me tremble with fear was nothing more than a pair of eyes.
I’d never stood up to him before, and now that I had, he didn’t have the same control over me anymore.
“Are you done?” I asked, squaring my jaw. “I kinda have a place to be.”
Ryker was heading to my house after he had dinner with his family, and I wanted to get cleaned up before he got there.
“Wow.” Devon stepped back, shaking his head. “You really have changed.”
“All thanks to you,” I said, crossing my arms. “Remember? I was too emotional and weak and trusted people too easily. Well, you fucking changed that, didn’t you? Now, I can’t get close to anyone without your fucking words in the back of my mind, telling me I’m not good enough. So, fuck you and your bullshit, Devon. I’m done.”
I turned to get in my truck, but his next words stopped me.
“I’m miserable, Kane. I… I miss you.”
I focused on him, confused. He’d never displayed so much vulnerability before.
Black hair fell across his brow, and he moved it aside, exposing his watery blue eyes. The tables had fucking turned.
“That’s not my fault,” I answered in a bitter tone. “I told you I loved you and you broke my heart. That’s on you. If you hate your fucking life, you’re the person to blame.”
“Don’t you think I know that?” he snapped, squeezing both hands into fists. “I have a wife that I can’t even fuck without imagining men while I’m screwing her. All because I can’t face the truth of who I really am.” He relaxed and exhaled, wiping again at his bloody nose. “Seeing you here weeks ago did something to me, like opened my eyes or some shit. I’ve felt like I was just passing through life with no sense of self until I saw you again, and I remembered being with you. Tasting you. Letting you go was the worst mistake I’ve ever made.”
Devon was a Class A manipulator, so I wasn’t sure if he was serious, or if he was just trying to trick me. Regardless, it wouldn’t work. I was finally getting over the shit he’d done to me—little by little—and there was no way I was throwing away that progress.
“It’s never too late to change and make things right,” I said as pity for him washed through me. If hewastelling the truth, I found I really did feel bad for the guy, despite all he’d put me through. “But itistoo late for us to be anything. Sorry, man, but that isn’t going to happen.”
No way in hell would it happen.
“You have someone, don’t you?” he asked, but by the tone of his voice, I suspected he already knew the answer.
I nodded. “No thanks to you. You fucked me up real good, Dev. Opening up to him was so hard I nearly lost him. But I’m working through it.” I opened my door and got inside before slamming it. I rolled down the window because the day was warm, but still had a slight crispness in the air, and I saw he was still standing there staring at me. “And you were wrong by the way.”
“About what?” he asked, taking a few steps back as I started the engine and pulled out of the spot.
“I’m not fucking worthless.”
Devon gave a sad nod and looked down at the pavement.
Then, I sped out of the parking lot, not looking back.
***
“Did something happen today?” Ryker asked as I slammed a cabinet in the kitchen. “At work or at the gym?”
Seeing Devon had ruined my mood, and I was stuck with one foot in the past as I stood there in the present with Ryker. He didn’t deserve my pissy behavior, and yet, I couldn’t calm the hell down. I’d been so confident as I’d finally stood up to Devon, but as I had left the parking lot, all the emotions surfaced again and I’d nearly had a damn panic attack on the interstate home.
Ryker had been there for about thirty minutes, and I’d pretty much given him the silent treatment the whole time.
“Kane.” He came up behind me and put his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder. “Talk to me.”
“There’s nothing to talk about.” I pushed out of his hold and stormed to the refrigerator, flinging it open. “Goddammit there’s nothing to fucking eat in this house!”
“Calm down,” Ryker said and his forehead creased. He approached me again, and when I tried to shove him away, he only held on tighter, cupping my head and bringing me to his chest. I breathed in his scent and forced myself to calm. “I’ll cook you something, okay? Go sit at the table.”
I did as he said, not in the mood to fight. At the table, I scrubbed my hands over my face and closed my eyes. He rustled around in the kitchen, opening cabinets and clanking around cookware.
