Page 88 of Kane's Awakening
Chapter Twenty-Four
Ryker
My stunned silence drew on the more Kane talked. I’d suspected he’d had a bad relationship in the past, but the truth of the matter extended far beyond that. Way beyond. I was no expert, but that Devon guy had really done a number on him and was the epitome of a classic abuser.
Devon had gained Kane’s trust, alienated him from other friends, made him believe that the only person he needed was Devon, and then he’d shattered that trust and didn’t stick around to help Kane pick up the pieces.
No wonder Kane was so stubborn. His whole view of trust and relationships was built around a horrible first experience of being used and later abandoned. He’d never been shown the correct way—how beautiful it could truly be.
“So, yeah. I’m fucked-up over it,” Kane said after telling me about the last time he was with Devon. “I’ve gone through the past few years believing I was only good for sex, so I switched my mentality and accepted that fact. Never tried for more because I didn’t want to get hurt when they proved I was right about myself.” His green eyed stare flickered to mine. “Until you. You showed me I wasn’t worthless, Rye.”
The tenderness in his voice touched me in indescribable ways. Knowing he thought he was worthless made me tear up, and I cleared my throat to keep my emotions at bay.
“We’ll work through it,” I said, grabbing his hands. I hadn’t touched him as he’d talked, getting the feeling he hadn’t wanted me to. He squeezed my hand, and my heart fluttered. “I won’t leave you, Kane, no matter how grumpy you get or how much you try to push me away. I’m staying. I know those are just words to you right now, but I’ll prove it with time.”
“Why?” he asked with a scoff. “Who in their right mind would stick around and deal with my shit? I’m king of the damn yo-yo effect, remember?” His eyes burned into mine and held so much trepidation that my gut knotted. “Why do you want me, Ryker?”
Because I love you.
The words were on the tip of my tongue, but I didn’t say them. Confessing my feelings to him right then wouldn’t do any good. He wouldn’t believe them, and I’d be left feeling heartbroken and stupid for saying them.
“Because you mean more to me than any man I’ve ever met,” I admitted as I searched his face for any signs of disbelief. “And I’m not letting you go for anything.”
It was the closest I could get to telling him the truth without getting my heart crushed in the process. I’d told a boyfriend those three words before and he’d never returned the sentiment. It had hurt for a while, but I’d eventually gotten over it. Some things weren’t meant to be, and I’d learned in my experience that everything happened for a reason, even if I didn’t know what that reason was at the time.
“I feel that way, too. About you,” Kane said, but there was leeriness in his eyes. “I know you’re not Devon and wouldn’t do what he did, but it’s not something I can just snap my fingers and fix, ya know? This shit takes time.”
“I know it does,” I agreed, debating on telling him my own small story. He’d told me something personal about him, so it was my turn. “It’s not nearly what you went through, but I’ve had my heart broken before. It wasn’t my last boyfriend, but the one before him. We dated for about four months, and it was serious. I’d introduced him to the twins and everything.”
“What happened?” he asked, worrying his brow.
“I caught him having a threesome in his apartment at the exact time he knew I was coming over to see him,” I answered, recalling the shock and devastation I’d felt that day. “He didn’t care, either. When he saw me in the doorway to his room, he kept screwing them. Later when I confronted him, he said it was his way of dumping me. He realized he didn’t want what I had to offer—children and someone who wanted to settle down.”
The memory made my ears prickle, but it didn’t hurt anymore. If it had worked out with him, I wouldn’t have met Kane.
“Fuck that asshole,” Kane snarled, shaking his head. “If you ever see him when we’re out, let me know, and I’ll go kick his fucking ass.”
“No ass kicking necessary,” I said, grinning at his fierceness. “It’s in the past, and that’s where it’s going to stay.”
“Didn’t that make you hesitant to trust a guy again, though?” he asked, and I wondered if there was a deeper meaning to his question. As if he was asking for himself, too.
“Sort of,” I admitted, mulling over my next words carefully. “But I got over it. My heart becomes attached too easily, and yeah, sometimes I get hurt, but it’s never stopped me from trying, because love, even though it hurts at times, is beautiful and worth that chance. You have to take the bad with the good and have faith that the correct pieces will fall where they’re meant to be.”
“I didn’t know atheists were so optimistic and full of faith,” he said, his lips twitching.
“Asshole,” I sneered, shoving against his shoulder. “I may not believe in god, but I have faith in other things.”
“And it’s really okay that Idobelieve in god?” Kane asked, a bit more cautiously. “I’m not like Bible thumping and all that shit, but I do believe.”
“Definitely.” I grabbed his hand again. “Anna is Christian and so is her husband. We still have Christmas, and they celebrate Easter. I’ve talked to Anna about it and neither of us is going to force the twins to believe one way or the other. When they get old enough, they can decide for themselves.”
That might not be the norm for other families, but it worked for us.
“But anyway,” I said, feeling an unexpected bout of nerves. I’d been so set on Kane opening up tomethat I hadn’t realized I’d kept so much back as well. “Not sure how we got off track. Cheating is something I won’t tolerate, but I’m not going to let the fear of being cheated on keep me from living life and finding love.”
“I may be a whore, but I’d never cheat.” He gave a short laugh. “I mean, you’re the first actual relationship I’ve had outside of Devon, so it’s not like I’ve had a lot of experience with being exclusive. But since I’ve met you, I haven’t fucked anyone else, even before we made it more than sex. That counts for something, right?”
“It does,” I answered before pulling him in for a kiss.
