Page 104 of Reaching Avery
Chapter Twenty-Six
Avery
Maverick loved me. He hadn’t come out and said those exact words, but it’d been pretty clear. The concept of love was weird. I loved my brother and mom, but I’d never loved anyone outside of them.
And no one outside of them had ever loved me.
Logic said it was too soon for Maverick to feel that way about me. Could someone really fall in love in two months? Less than that, if you took into account the time he was with another guy. It wasn’t exactly instant-love, but it was still too fast.
As for me? I felt guilty because I didn’t know if I felt the same about him.
It was hard to love someone when you didn’t even love yourself. Perhaps that’s also what bothered me; I didn’t see how hecouldlove someone like me. Someone who was broken. You also didn’t keep secrets from those you loved, and there was still so much I hadn’t told Maverick.
All of those thoughts triggered one of the worst cutting sessions I’d had in a long time; even worse than the night weeks before when I’d cut myself and fallen asleep in the tub.
I didn’t remember putting myself to bed that night—or cleaning up the blood—but I must’ve because I’d somehow ended up in the bedroom. And maybe it’d been the loss of blood or just overall exhaustion, but I’d slept late and had made Declan and me miss the bus the next morning.
Declan and I were still at odds too. We didn’t talk as much anymore, not since he’d told me to back off. I missed our talks, but there wasn’t much I could do about it except give him some space and hope he changed his mind.
The next day at school, things were a bit tense between me and Mav at first, but as the morning went on, we fell back into our usual behavior. By lunch time, it was hard to believe that I’d almost broken up with him. Especially when he smiled at something I said.
I’d been so close to losing that smile forever.
“Are you feeling okay today?” he asked after eating a fry.
“Yeah. Just didn’t sleep well,” I lied. Well, I guess it was kind of true since Ihadn’tslept well, but it was more the fact that my legs hurt so bad that put me in an off mood. Completely my fault too.
By the way his brow scrunched, I suspected he didn’t believe me, but he didn’t press me on the matter. After the way I behaved the last time he asked me something personal, I couldn’t blame him.
Sarah then diverted his attention by talking about her Halloween costume for the party Saturday. She was going as Sailor Mercury, one of the main characters from theSailor Moonmanga series. Yeah, that didn’t mean much to me because I didn’t know anything about the series, but apparently her character involved a blue wig or something.
“Do you wanna come over and playDead Smashlater?” Ben asked me.
“Sure.” It’d been a while since I’d gone over to his house, and I missed hanging out with him. “I can just ride home with you, if you want.”
He smiled, causing the freckles around his nose to crinkle. “Cool.”
After lunch, I walked with Maverick to drama class. Normally, he would’ve grabbed my hand without a thought, but he didn’t that time. We walked side by side, but not hand in hand like usual.
I looked between us and saw his hand at his side, and I took it.
Shock showed in his eyes.
“What?” I said. “Don’t look so stunned, big guy. I’m allowed to make the first move sometimes too, ya know.”
Maybe it was the way he smiled or maybe even the way he gently squeezed my hand after that, but I knew we’d be okay. At least for the moment.
“I’m going over to Ben’s later,” I said before we reached the performing arts building. “I hope that’s okay.”
“You don’t need my permission, Avery,” he replied, shaking his head. “Sarah wants me to come over to her place so I can help her with her costume. And probably to gossip about Travis.”
“Have either of them made a move yet?” I asked, clinging more onto his hand.
He was wearing a hoodie, and I had the urge to just cuddle the heck out of him. There was something about him when he wore one that triggered the feeling. My gaze moved from his eyes, down his face, and to his throat. I wanted to bury my face in the crease of his neck; feel his warm skin on mine and hear his laugh.
They were things I didn’t really think much about until that moment—things I’d miss.
“Sorta,” Mav answered, opening the door for me. “They’ve been talking online some, but Trav told me he’s going to make his move Saturday.”
