Page 40 of Reaching Avery
“Don’t be sorry,” I said before nibbling my bottom lip. I hadn’t even admitted to myself that I was gay, so how could I say it to someone else? “Honestly, I’ve wondered if I was, but I’m not sure.”
“Isn’t it kinda simple?” Ben asked, cocking his head. A piece of his red hair stuck up and went in the opposite direction, obviously not conforming to the rest of the hairs on his head. We were kind of like that, I guess. Non-conformers. “You either like guys or you like girls. And in some instances, you might like both. Or none at all.”
I shrugged. “Maybe. But I think for some people, it’s more complicated than that. I used to think I was the latter, you know, not really liking anyone.”
Ben’s brow furrowed a bit. “Until…”
“Until Maverick,” I said as I met his gaze. “But I don’t know if it’s just because he’s been nice to me.”
“Hmm. Well do you get the warm fuzzies when you’re aroundme?”
“The warm fuzzies?” I asked, nearly laughing, but then I saw how serious he was and stopped myself. “Uh, no. Why?”
“If it’s just because the dude is nice to you, then you’d like me too. Because I’m sorta amazing in the friend department.” Ben tried to be cocky, but it fell flat. It made me smile nonetheless. “Not like I know from experience or anything, but I’ve been my own best friend since, like, I was born.”
That did it. I busted out laughing, snorting in the process.
“Well, when you figure it out, I bet Mav would like to know,” Ben said before picking up the controller and continuing to play. “The guy has a thing for you.”
“How do you know?” Because Ididn’tknow, and the idea was crazy.
Ben grinned. “People talk. Also, the guy stares at you like you’re a piece of fried chicken dangling on a string.”
I howled with a laugh. “What the hell, Ben?”
With a shrug, he answered, “Hey, I love fried chicken. Take it as a compliment.”
As he started shooting more of the undead, I started thinking.
Sure, Maverick seemed to take an interest in me, but I’d never actually thought that meant he had athingfor me. Years of suffering through the worse kind of insults a person could take made it hard for that person to ever see themselves as more than what they were led to believe they were.
Poor piece of trash, worthless, disgusting: it’s how I’d come to view myself.
And Maverick was different—pretty special, to be honest—and there was no way he’d ever want someone like me.
“Here. You play,” Ben said, handing me the controller.
As I got the hang of the controls, I started having fun. I talked more freely with Ben, joked with him, and before I knew it, I’d relaxed so much that the unease that usually kept my shoulders tensed wasn’t there anymore.
Gone was the burden of being the man of the house and constantly worrying about my mom at her unsafe job, or worrying over whether Declan was making the right life choices… whether we’d get to eat or not that night.
For the first time in alongtime—if ever—I felt like a normal teenager.
That moment ended when I had to go back home later. After Ben dropped me off, and I walked through the front door, the fantasy I’d created of a normal life faded away. Back was the burden of my life, and the worry of what the future held.
Declan was in the living room doing his homework, and I grabbed a fork from the drawer in the kitchen before giving him the container of leftovers Ben’s dad had told me to take home. I knew he hadn’t had much for dinner.
“Thanks, A,” he said and opened the lid.
“Is Mom working tonight?” I asked, plopping on the couch.
A spring jabbed me in my side, and I winced. The couch had been on the side of the road, waiting to be picked up for trash, when Mom snatched it up. We’d cleaned it, but it’d been awaiting the dumpster for a reason.
“Yeah,” Declan answered after swallowing a bite. He leaned over his work again and his brow narrowed as he wrote something down. “Dammit, I hate math. This crap makes no sense.”
“Let me see,” I said, leaning forward and looking at his paper.
For some reason, math came easy to me. Maybe it came from my passion for building things and wanting to be an architect one day, but whatever the reason, it was one of the things I was actually good at.
