Page 51 of Reaching Avery
My words to Avery drifted back into my head. About how I was drawn to him because he made me feel different—made me feel more like myself. That he didn’t see the poorly labeled box, but rather, the unique, somewhat flawed, guy within.
I wondered if he realized I saw him too.
A soft knock snapped me out of my reverie, and I looked at the door just as it opened. When Dad walked in, I was surprised.
“Hey,” he said, not moving farther in the room and instead just standing in the doorway. He looked about as uncomfortable as I felt. “I know things have been tense with us for a while, kid, but I hope you know how much I love you. We may not see eye to eye on a lot, but you’re still my son, and I’d move mountains for you.”
“I know,” I said, fighting the emotion trying to rise in my throat.
He exhaled and scratched at the short stubble on his cheek. “Being a parent is hard, and I don’t always get it right. Even after all these years. I look at you and want you to be better than I ever was. To have everything you want in life and more. I think it’s why I push you so hard.”
“If you keep pushing, Dad, you’re going to push me away,” I admitted, feeling like we’d had that conversation so many times. We’d argue about the same things constantly. “I can’t be what you want me to be. I’ve tried, believe me, but I can’t.”
“Then tell me, Maverick. What do you want to be?” he asked, and for the first time, he seemed like he really wanted an answer. No scoffing, eye rolling, or backhanded remarks about my future. “Tell me so I can try to understand.”
“I’m not exactly sure yet,” I answered as honestly as I could. “Something to do with science, though. Mrs. Brown, my biology teacher, gave me some information about the science program at University of Port Haven.”
“So, you want to be a scientist?” Dad scratched his jaw again.
“Maybe a marine biologist,” I said, watching his face for his reaction. “I love the sea.”
“Then, your mom and I will do everything in our power to ensure you get into a good school for it,” he said, nodding. “But as for now… enjoy your senior year. Be in drama or pitch on the baseball field, it doesn’t matter. Just do what makes you happy.”
My lips twitched when he said pitch, but thank god I didn’t laugh because that was one thing I didnotwant to explain to my dad. I was a damn good pitcher… on and off the field.
“Thanks, Dad.”
He nodded and was about to walk out when he stopped and studied me again. “Before I go, what happened to your face? Are you having problems at school? Anyone bullying you for being… you know?”
“Gay? No,” I said, messing with my bangs just to have something to do. “People are cool with that.”
“Then why do you look like you got punched?” he asked.
Because I did.
“It was a misunderstanding,” I said, not sure if I was lying or not. “Everything’s okay.”
Dad watched me a moment, as if he was deciding on whether to believe me. “You’d tell me if thingsweren’tokay?”
“Yes, sir.”
After he left, I grabbed my phone and scrolled through my contacts.
I felt restless, and even though I liked being alone sometimes, that night I just felt lonely. And I hated it. Funny how when you wanted attention, all of your friends were busy, but the momentyouwere busy, everyone and their brother suddenly wanted to talk.
That’s what happened to me.
I texted Sarah, who was out with her parents to some art gallery thing. Travis was on a date with the girl he’d been banging. Ricky and I didn’t really hang out much without Travis. Noah and Bastian were busy with college.
Avery didn’t have a phone, and I got the impression he wouldn’t want to talk to me even if he did.
Coming to terms with the fact I wasn’t leaving the house that night, I kicked off my shoes before sitting at my desk and clicking on my laptop. I’d never been much of a gamer, but there were some games I enjoyed—likeSims 4. It was a guilty pleasure for sure. I loved creating the characters, giving them personality traits, building their homes, and basically letting them live the kind of lifeIchose for them.
I tried not to let it sink in too much about what that might mean about me.
Even though I didn’t hide who I was, it still felt like I was living the life others wanted for me a lot of the time.
After putting on some music—a playlist Noah had shared with me of his favorite rock songs—I opened upSims 4and started creating myself.
The creation process was one of my favorite parts of the game, and sometimes I could spend over an hour playing with the appearance just to make sure it was exactly as I wanted. I didn’t spend a lot of time on my character. It was the next one that I spent a while on.
Avery.
My intention at first hadn’t been to create him. I’d just wanted to make a couple to play the game with. But as I’d picked out his emo hair style, slender body, and piercing, pale blue eyes… I’d smiled and just kept creating him. I paid close attention to every detail of his face, trying to get the shape of his eyes and set of his lips exactly as I remembered him since I didn’t have a photo to go by.
After his appearance was to my liking, I chose his personality traits: introverted and sweet. By the time I was done, I looked at the clock and was shocked to see over an hour had passed.
Maybe I was crazy and jumping the gun a little by making us a couple on the game—especially since he’d made it pretty damn clear that he didn’t want me in that way—but it was my mind’s way of dealing, I guess. One of those slightly embarrassing fantasies that you kept to yourself.
It was the closest I’d ever get to actually being with him.
