Page 46 of Reaching Avery
“So, what is it about this place that you love so much?” Maverick asked, bringing his knees up and resting his arms on them, studying the area with a curious expression. He was wearing a hoodie, but the cover didn’t hide how huge his muscles were. “You said because it’s quiet, but if that was the case, anywhere could do that. Why this one?”
Instead of immediately responding, I pondered my answer.
I’d never had to explain it to anyone before. Declan never asked many questions when I left the house, pretty much used to my weird tendencies. And my mom hardly knew about it.
“Think of it this way,” I started, mirroring Maverick’s position, but I brought my knees closer to my chest. “You’re in a crowded room every day. People are talking, mostly to each other and not to you, but you’re still among them. Still having to put on a show. And it’s not like anyone would understand you anyway, even if you tried to talk to them. They see you as a trouble maker because of the way you look or they think you’re trash because you’re poor, and nothing you can say will change that.”
I was well aware at how crazy I sounded, and I wasn’t sure Maverick was even following. But I continued.
“Then, at the end of the day, you’re emotionally drained. You need an escape, not just from the people, but from the person they perceive you to be. So, I come here.” I looked at the tracks and then at the gate with the blinking light on top that lowered when a train was coming. “It’s the closest I’ll ever get to another life. Like, if I sit here long enough, I can pretend I’m on a train, going somewhere else. Anywhere but where I am.”
Maverick was quiet, and even though I wasn’t looking at him, I felt his eyes on me.
“It’s the one part of my day when I can actually breathe, Mav,” I said before finally looking at him.
His features softened. “That’s the first time you’ve ever called meMav.”
My stomach fluttered at the revelation. “Yeah… I suppose it is.”
“Does that mean I’m your friend?” he asked, and his voice was soft. Sort of guarded. As if he really wanted an answer, but was nervous for some reason.
I looked at the tracks as his question hung in the air.
He was the only person I’d ever been so honest with, and I felt vulnerable. Bare. Like I’d been stripped of the layers of defense that protected me from the world. From people who hurt me. But I also felt free, as if telling Maverick all of that had lifted a weight off my shoulders.
“Yeah,” I answered before moving my gaze back to him. “You are.”
I did consider him a friend. A part of me craved something more than that too, but I refused to go there.
Night and day couldn’t exist at the same time. One would always cancel the other out.
Why even try?
Maverick smiled, and it felt like in that instant, something in my chest began to crack. “I’m glad you think so. Because I feel that way too. About you.”
As we sat there, only a few feet from the rails, I wrapped my arms more around myself. Not so much to fight off the slight chill in the air, but more so to keep myself together.
“I’ve been meaning to thank you,” he said, titling his head toward me.
“For what?”
“If not for that pep talk you gave me, I probably wouldn’t have auditioned for the musical.” He grinned and turned back to look at the tracks. He spread his legs out, and they nearly touched the steel. “Even though I didn’t get the part I wanted, I’m still kinda happy I still went for it, ya know?”
A strange fluttering happened in my chest. “You’re welcome.” I focused on his legs, if only just to keep myself from staring into his eyes. “When you want something, you have to go for it. Put doubt aside and just dive in.”
Funny how I could give such advice, but not take it for myself. I let doubt basically rule my every day. Doubt that anyone would ever find me worthwhile once they knew the real me. Once they knew the secret I kept.
“What do you want with me, Mav?” I asked, too nervous to face him.
When I’d asked him why he wanted to be my friend in the past, he’d said it was because he liked the way he felt around me. But therehadto be more. Something he wasn’t saying, and I wished he would.
For once, he didn’t look at me either. From the corner of my eye, I saw him staring straight ahead.
“Sometimes you can have your whole life figured out, know exactly who you are and what you’re doing,” he said, still not looking at me.Iwas now looking athim, though. Hanging on to his every word. “And then something changes.” Finally, his eyes met mine, and even in the dim light, I saw the hesitation, the confusion. “And once things change, you start seeing things differently. You see that the person you thought you were is a lie. That you were trying to be what everyone wanted you to be. Living in the box they kept you in.”
My breath caught in my throat as he moved closer. His face was inches from mine, and his breath fanned across my mouth. My skin tingled.
“I’m tired of being in that box, Avery,” he whispered, staring at me so intently that I had a hard time getting out my next words.
