Page 80 of Reaching Avery
As I walked up to the house, I knew he was watching me. He liked to make sure I made it inside before he drove off. Crazy how such a simple gesture could make me all mushy inside. Once I got to the door, I waved before going inside.
On the other side of the door, I leaned against it and just kind of stood there like that. Smiling. Not moving.
“Dude, why are you bein’ so weird?” Declan asked, looking up at me from his spot on the couch. He was eating chips straight from the family sized bag. “Did you finally get laid or something?”
“Is that all you’ve had for dinner?” I asked, nodding to the chips and purposefully ignoring his question. I crossed the section of floor that transitioned from cheap tile to carpet. Mom was already gone, so it was just us for the night. “I can make us something. I haven’t eaten yet.”
Declan scoffed and laid his head back on the cushion. His brown hair was longer than his preferred style, so I figured Mom would be trimming it for him soon.
“Yes, Mom,” he said sarcastically. “Chips are all I’ve had.”
“No need to be an ass.”
“Maybe there’s no need for you to always be on my case either,” he shot back, tossing the bag aside before standing from the couch and coming toward me. “I’m not a little kid anymore. Stop treating me like one. If I want to eat junk for dinner, so be it. I can take care of myself, and I don’t need you babying me all the time.”
“I’m not babying you,” I said, shocked at his attitude. “What the hell is wrong, D? Did something happen at school to piss you off?”
“Maybe if you were around more, you’d know,” he answered with a harsh tone. “Instead, you’re off sucking your new boyfriends dick every chance you get.”
I didn’t point out that he’d contradicted himself; saying I babied him one moment and then complained I wasn’t around enough the next.
“Which is fine,” he continued. “I don’t need you anyway.”
His words hurt me more than I let on. It was like my time with Mav hadn’t happened. The brief moment of joy when I’d come into the house had left so quickly, I wondered if it’d even been real.
“Fine,” I said, balling my fists. Not because I wanted to hit Declan, but because I was feeling a surge of energy going through my veins. Energy that screamed for release. “Go stuff your face with more chips. I’m going to take a shower.”
He stared me down before walking back into the living room and mumbling, “Whatever.”
With heavy steps, I moved toward the bathroom. Toward the blade hidden under the sink. The argument had triggered it—the feeling of worthlessness. All my life, I’d put him first. And when I finally took time for myself? He lashed out at me as if I’d neglected him.
He didn’t need me, though.
No one did.
Behind closed doors, I breathed a sigh of relief as I held the razor in my hand. I hated it, but needed it. It was a vile act, but one I couldn’t stop.
I wish I could stop.
