Page 74 of Tangled Up In You
But it still hurt.
“We should eat dinner,” I said, breaking our two hour long silence. “It’s getting late.”
“I’m not hungry,” Corbin said in a flat tone.
I got on my knees in front of his chair and looked up at him. The setting sun gave his dark blond hair an orange glow, and his gray eyes appeared darker amongst the flecks of blue, like a dark sky behind stormy waters.
“What am I gonna do, Hunt?” he asked in a voice that was no longer detached but now shaking with his emotion. “Other than my fear of what would happen to my career if I came out, the other thing that held me back all these years was that I didn’t want to beknownfor my sexuality. So many athletes make headlines because of it, become even more famous sometimes, but all for the wrong reasons. I want my hard work to be what puts me in the spotlight. Not because I fuck men.”
I understood where he was coming from. When I first came out, everyone looked at me differently too. And I was a nobody.
Corbin had it way worse. The reveal of his sexuality would be the one thing about him that anyone talked about now, and that wasn’t right. He was a damn amazing athlete, but if seeing it happen to other celebrities was anything to go by, hardly anyone would discuss his career as a quarterback and only talk about his sexuality for weeks, maybe months to come.
Paparazzi would be hell-bent on catching a shot of him with a guy so they could post it on all the tabloid covers and every gossip page online. Christian groups would probably start theirholier than thoushit and start trying to get him fired by saying they’re going to boycott pro-football or something if he continued to play. I’d seen those same groups try to do that to television networks that portrayed a gay character, so I wouldn’t put it past them to do that with the sports industry too.
“I’m going to order room service,” I said, despite his objection.
I called down to the restaurant and ordered food: medium cooked steaks, baked potatoes, dinner rolls, and beer. Maybe carbs would help Corbin feel better. I sure as hell knew they did that for me.
We didn’t say much as we ate the steaks, but I kept looking at him.
“I’m okay,” he said in a way that hinted at the opposite. “Really.”
“You know you can sue this William guy, right?” I pointed out. “I don’t know a lot about the law, but when you were sitting on the balcony earlier, I did some research on my phone. There’s a thing called a private facts claim, and sexuality is covered under it. You just have to prove that—”
“I don’t want to take him to court over it,” Corbin interrupted, shaking his head. He finished chewing his bite of steak before washing it down with some beer. “That won’t make it go away. Once it’s out, it’s out. Making a huge legal scene will just give it that much more attention. And Will loves attention.” He put his face in his hands before scooting his chair back and standing up. He paced the room before lashing out and punching the bathroom door. “Fuck! I was so fucking stupid!”
“Cor!” I went over and grabbed his arms, trying to prevent him from going through another punching fit. I’d never seen him so out of control before. To be honest, it was a little intimidating. “Calm down.”
“He was a journalist!” Corbin growled and shrugged out of my hold. He was less aggressive, though, now that I was not even a foot from him. “When I met him, I knew he worked for some bullshit gossip column. He said he was the person that got dirt on celebrities and all of that shit. That should’ve been a red flag for me, but it wasn’t. I was just happy to find a guy who was okay with keeping our hooking up private. Well, so fucking much for privacy, huh?”
Not knowing what else to do, I brought him to my chest, hoping that being held would help alleviate some of his anger. I held the back of his head with one hand and had the other at his lower back.
Corbin pushed his face against my neck and his arms slowly came around my waist. When his body began to tremble and a soft cry reached my ears, my heart broke. I kissed the side of his head, down his cheek and jaw, and down to the top of his shoulder.
“It shouldn’t have been like this,” he said, tightening his hold on me.
“I know.” I pet his hair, hating how useless I felt. Corbin was hurting and there was nothing I could do to make it better. “We’ll get through it together, okay?”
He nodded before burying his face more into my neck. Hot tears dripped on my collar.
I wished I could just kiss his pain away, but it wasn’t that easy. Sex didn’t solve everything. And with him so upset, sex was the farthest thing from my mind. I just wanted to hold him, and if it were possible to take all of his pain onto myself, I would in a heartbeat.
“I don’t think I can go back,” Corbin whispered after several minutes. “I can resign from the Raptors this week. That’ll give them enough time to train my backup and get everything in order before the season starts. I’ll just stay with you in Willow. I’ll go back to Kansas City to pack up my things and work out the whole moving thing, but then I’m done.”
They were the words I’d wanted to hear for so long. But upon actually hearing them? They didn’t sit well with me.
I didn’t want him to give it all up, especially not for a reason like that. When the time came for him to leave football, I wanted it to be his decision because he was ready—not one he made out of fear.
“You can’t run from this, Cor,” I said, stepping back so I could look at him. His forehead creased and he was about to say something, but I placed my finger to his lips. “As much as I want you to come home, this is something you need to face. Don’t let William win. Make a public statement or something about it. Show him that instead of beating you down like he wanted, he helped empower you to be true to who you are.”
Indecision brewed in his eyes.
“I’m not sure I can,” he mumbled against the fingers that were still on his lips.
“You’ll never know until you try,” I said in a steady tone, believing with all of my heart that he could do anything he set his mind to. He’d already proven he was capable of turning dreams into reality; embracing the incredible man he was would be no different.
Corbin kissed the finger against his mouth. I moved my hand aside, but he caught my wrist before I pulled away completely.
