Page 29 of Declan
“Sorry.” I sharply exhaled.
“You’re apologizing for being nervous?” He seemed amused by that.
“Sorry,” I said again before cringing. If I kept this up, he’d have Gideon stop the car so he could push me out into the street. Turning in my seat, which was hard because of the seatbelt but I managed, I looked at him. “I’m not used to being around guys like you. I mean, I’m sure you hear this all the time, but you’re kind of a big deal to me.”
A smile spread across Declan’s face. “I’m just a person, Kyler.”
For years, I’d thought of what I’d say to Declan if I ever got the chance. I wanted to tell him how much he’d touched my life, how he’d given me the courage to be myself at a time when all I’d felt was confusion and self-loathing. I wanted to tell him he was pretty much my hero.
I didn’t say any of that.
“Did I really puke on you?”
Yep.Thatwas the brilliant thing that came out of my mouth.
Declan laughed. “Yeah, you did. But it’s okay. Royal said you’d pretty much drank the club dry.”
When I’d talked to Royal the following day, he hadn’t seemed too impressed with Declan. I wasn’t sure what they’d discussed, but my friend had been a bit cagey.
“I didn’t drink the place dry,” I said with a scoff. “I left all the water for everybody else. I’m not a monster.”
When I was rewarded with another chuckle from him, I thought to myself,I can die happy now. I’ve made him laugh twice.Really, though, I would’ve loved to fuck him one good time before I went six feet under.
The silence that followed made me fidget more.
What if I bored him? He’d been the one to invite me to hang out, but I was the one who felt pressured. Because I was a nobody to him, just some random local he’d met on the set to his new movie. He didn’t have to worry about boring anyone or having conversation run dry, because he was above it all.
“Why me?” I asked, casting a nervous glance his way. “It’s hard to believe I made enough of an impression on you that you’d take time out of your busy schedule to see me. That you’d even remember me at all. First, you show up atRawon the night I go out and now you invite me to lunch. I just…” I lifted my hands, trying to get them to say what my mouth couldn’t. “I don’t get it.”
I didn’t know what I’d expected Declan to do or say. Maybe smile and say something witty. Or maybe ignore me and say nothing at all.
“Do you really think so low of yourself?” he asked, staring at me with what I guessed would be a peeved expression had I been able to see his eyes. The low growly quality of his voice and tight jaw said as much.
“Well…” I dropped my gaze to my hands. “Yeah.”
My past relationships had all gone south. Brysen and Royal were the only constants in my life. Boyfriends throughout the years had used me, cheated on me, and others had been so closeted and full of self-hatred that they’d taken it out on me. Blamedmefor everything they hated about themselves. They’d belittled me and called me worthless. They’d hit me and knocked me around a little.
I had started believing them after a while. Believed they must’ve been right. Why else would they have treated me like that?
There I was, sitting beside a god and I was nothing but a mere peasant.
Except, unlike the story I wanted to write, the farm boy wouldn’t get his happily ever after.
