Page 57 of Declan
“That’s rough.” Declan moved the arm behind my head closer and draped it around my shoulders. “You don’t talk to them now?”
“I do on occasion. Like birthdays or holidays. But none of us go out of our way to see each other any other times.”
I hadn’t missed them. They sure as hell hadn’t missed me, either.
Declan made a face before pursing his lips.
“What?” I asked.
“Nah, I don’t want to bring up any painful shit,” he said.
“Tell me.”
“How did they react when you came out?” His green-eyed gaze shifted to me.
I laughed, although it wasn’t exactly funny.
“Uh, well my dad didn’t take it well. I came out at sixteen, even though I knew I was gay before then. Dad yelled at me and said it was the entertainment industry’s fault. He said that the, and I quote, ‘gay shit on TV’ had turned me gay. I think he just wanted someone to direct his anger at other than me. But not because he cared for me. I think it’s because he didn’t like the idea that he could’ve raised a gay son, so he felt better believing I was brainwashed or something.”
“And your mom?” Declan’s fingers lightly smoothed up and down my bicep. Comforting. I didn’t know if he was aware he was even doing it.
“She wasn’t happy,” I answered. “She kicked me out of the house, and I went to live with Brysen and his mom. Now those are some great people.” Brysen’s mom had been more of a mother than my mom could’ve ever dreamed of being. “My mom eventually came to terms with me being gay and asked me to move back in, but by that time, I was seventeen and talking to Brysen about us getting a place together. I didn’t want to go back to a house that had never been a home.”
Silence passed between us. I was in my head, and he was in his.
“Do you ever think about leaving Addersfield?” he asked.
“All the time,” I answered and instantly felt guilty for ever considering leaving Brysen behind. “I love Addersfield, don’t get me wrong, but I just…” I looked at Declan, moved my gaze to his lips and back up to his kind, green eyes. “I feel like I’m missing out on some grand adventure by staying here. Like, yeah, I’m happy here. I have great friends and a good job. But sometimes I feel as though I’m settling.”
“What doyouwant?” Declan touched his lips to my cheek. “Casting aside thoughts of your friends and forgetting about upsetting anyone, tell me whatyouwant.”
I pressed my head closer to his. “I want adventure, Declan. I want to see the world. To go to some tropical beach and write for like a week, to go to Greece and see the history, dammit I want to live my life with no regrets.”
I’d never admitted that before. It was a desire buried deep within me that I’d pushed down for so long. Along with disappointing those I loved, I was also afraid to leave Addersfield. Change was terrifying. Packing up and leaving the only place I’d ever called home, with no promises that I’d find what I was looking for, was scary.
“Want my advice?” he whispered.
Shivers passed through me and my eyes closed of their own accord. The closeness of him made it hard for me to think.
“Uh huh.”
“Go for it,” he said, sliding in closer. “A friend once told me that life’s too short and you need to take charge. Plan an extravagant vacation and go to the Bahamas. Fly to Greece and nerd out at the architecture. You can still live in Addersfield and see the world, too.”
I barely had two dimes to rub together most of the time. Between my book royalties and working at the book store, I made enough money to pay my half of the bills, buy groceries, and have a little extra for the occasional too-expensive coffee. But there was no way I could afford to travel. Not in this lifetime.
Unless I hit it big with a screenplay I pitched or something. Dreams came true for people every day. Those people would never be me, though.
“Maybe,” I answered, knowing it’d never happen.
“A little after my nineteenth birthday,” Declan said, becoming less flirty and taking on a serious tone. “I bought a shitty car with a wad of cash I’d saved up from a fast-food job, packed up the car with everything I had, and drove to LA. I lived out of that car for months, getting money by doing odd jobs, and I eventually found steady work scrubbing dishes at a seafood restaurant.”
“Really?”
He nodded. “I wanted to be an actor. I left home with no guarantees it’d work out, but I had to try. Living an ordinary life was never in the cards for me. I knew if I wanted big things out of life, I had to take big risks.”
“Your first few roles were as an extra, right?” I asked like I wasn’t sure, knowing damn well it was true.
“Yeah,” he answered, arching a dark brow. “See? Your performance as an extra can land you a leading role someday. Just try not to spill coffee on anyone important.”
