Page 86 of Declan
Chapter 20
Declan
“Don’t make me force food down your throat, Price,” Gideon growled as he stood in the doorway to my bedroom. His massive body blocked out the light from the other side. “You need to eat.”
“Not hungry.”
“Stop acting like a moody teenaged girl and fucking eat something.”
I sighed and sat up, glaring at him.
The curtains were drawn closed, making the dark room even darker. My usually clean bedroom was a complete mess, too, clothes strewn everywhere instead of being in the dirty clothes hamper where they belonged. I’d told the cleaning lady not to show up that week, not in the mood to have anyone in my space.
The week away from Kyler had been one of the worst I’d had in a long time. Everything reminded me of him; songs he’d sang to when I played my Spotify playlist, hints of his scent on some of my clothes, and even coffee.
“Fine.”
I got up, put on some sweats, and followed Gideon into the kitchen.
My house in LA was too big for one person. Four bedrooms, two full bathrooms, a living room that consisted of mostly floor-to-ceiling windows, a huge kitchen that I rarely used myself, and an entertainment room where I had a movie theater screen and plushy reclining chairs. All of the natural light was something I loved, but I hated it right then. Everything was too bright.
I made a bowl of yogurt and fresh fruit before plopping down on the couch in the living room.
“I didn’t ask you to come here,” I grumbled, moving a spoon through the yogurt and curling my nose at it. “I gave you the week off.”
“Too bad. Someone had to check on your ass. You’re not answering your phone.” Gideon crossed his arms and scrutinized me. “You look like hell, Price. What are you doing to yourself?”
“Preparing for a new role,” I responded in the full-on smartass way he hated. “Haven’t you heard? It’s a story about a piece of shit actor who finally found love, but he threw it away because he’s a spineless asshole. I felt I was perfect for the part, you know?”
“Cut the shit, Declan,” he snapped. He rarely called me that, which meant shit just got serious. “If you miss him that bad, fucking do something about it. Quit sitting here feeling sorry for yourself and call him.”
Gideon didn’t sugarcoat anything. It was a quality I respected in him. I didn’t need people worshipping the ground I walked on.
I stood up and walked over to the window. The sun was setting. A whole day wasted. My back patio was surrounded by a privacy fence and had an underground pool, a hot tub, and an outside bar.
“You’re right,” I said, watching the water ripple in the pool. “I think I’m going to talk to someone. Like a therapist or whatever. Someone I can talk to about all my fucked up thoughts. The bitch that made me this way is gone, but she still controls me.” I looked at Gideon. His expression was hard, but his blue eyes revealed his concern. “I don’t want her to control me anymore.”
I wasn’t traumatized or anything because of her. I didn’t have nightmares or issues from past abuse. Not like I’d heard some people had. I was mostly just angry at her. Venting to someone might help.
“I think it’ll be good for you,” Gideon responded. “But what I think doesn’t matter. You have to be the one to make that decision.”
“I’m not sure it’ll do any good.” I moved a hand through my hair, noticing how long it’d gotten on the sides. I’d have to schedule a haircut, as well. “Even once I deal with it, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to come out.”
“Did Kyler ask you to come out?”
“No.” My jaw tightened.
Gideon lifted a dark-blond brow.
“He’s dated closeted guys before, and I don’t want to put him through that again.”
“Maybe you should let him be the judge of that,” Gideon responded. “But it’s not my place to say anything on it.”
“Nowyou’rethe one who needs to cut the shit,” I said as the corner of my mouth twitched. “You know damn well that I don’t consider you as just my bodyguard. You’re my best friend.”
Gideon was touched by the sentiment, but quickly reverted to his stern nature. “Yeah, well, I feel sorry for you if I’m your best friend.”
I shook my head and walked back over to my yogurt, feeling like maybe I could eat after all. After a few bites, though, I decided to order a pizza instead. Which made me think of Kyler again. Especially when I ordered a cheese with extra sauce.
