Page 102 of Brighter Shades of Light
“And maybe try to get out a little?” he asked, staring at me with eyes he knew I couldn’t resist. “Go out with Jared. Maybe to a symphony or a movie. Something to get you away from the house that doesn’t involve working. I know how you get when you’re stressed, and it’s not healthy.”
He was more worried aboutmeduring his deployment than he was for himself. It said so much about him.
“Finish peeling the potatoes.” I kissed his temple and stepped away. The oven beeped as it reached the right temperature, and I placed the chicken inside. “How was your day?”
“Not bad.” Cody peeled and chopped the rest of the potatoes before adding water to the pan and placing it on the stove.
Once the potatoes were boiled, Cody mashed them by hand instead of using the mixer. He said a stand mixer broke down the starch and gave them a gummy texture. I thought they tasted fine either way, but I wasn’t going to question him. Not when he was in a strange mood. He added a ton of butter before heating milk in the microwave and pouring it into the pan, too.
Over dinner, we spoke very little. I didn’t like it. He wasn’t even gone yet, but I felt like he was already pulling away from me.
“Have you talked to Tristen lately?” I asked.
“Yeah, he’s living the good life down in California.” Cody moved the peas around on his plate before scooping them up with the mashed potatoes and eating them together.
Tristen was stationed at Camp Pendleton in Southern California. They mostly had him doing administrative jobs.
“How is Blake settling in? He moved there a month or so ago, didn’t he?”
“Tristen said Blake hates it there,” Cody answered, sounding just as detached from the conversation as he looked. He stood from the table, dumped his scraps in the trash, and rinsed off his plate. “I’m gonna go for a run.”
“But you just got home.”
“Yeah, and now I’m leaving again.” Cody walked out of the kitchen. He changed into sweats and a tank and came back, sitting on the couch to put on his sneakers. “Won’t be gone long.”
The front door opened and closed, and then there was silence.
I had a feeling I would soon become all too familiar with the quiet of an empty house.
Chapter 26
Cody
Something was wrong with me. Ever since I found out I was getting deployed, something had come over me. It was like I had dissociated from everything. My relationship with Sebastian had turned rocky, and I lashed out at him verbally a few times. He didn’t deserve that shit.
Before the deployment, I was required to attend briefings, go through additional training, and be evaluated medically. I didn’t see Sebastian much during that time, and I had come home late a lot. After all that, they gave me a few days of leave to prepare for the deployment, and fuck if that didn’t put more into perspective.
I had to make sure all my affairs were in order, financially and personally. I had to make a will, which sucked. All I really had to my name was my truck, but my name was on the deed to the house, too, even though Sebastian had paid for it.
Two days before I left, I went for another run. I seemed to do nothingbutrun these days.
My mind was jumbled, and running usually helped me. It didn’t this evening, though. If anything, it shook me up even more. After running laps around the park, I jogged to a bench and planted my ass there, not ready to go home. It made no sense, because the only place Iwantedto be was home. But it was hard, for some reason. Everything felt wrong. Too temporary.
When I returned home, Sebastian was in his study with the door closed.
Not wanting to bother him, I showered and hopped into bed. It was too early to sleep, but I was tired enough that I might just fall asleep anyway. I turned onThe 100on Netflix, mainly for background noise because I hated the quiet in the room.
Hours later, I woke with a start.
I sat up in bed, noticing the TV had shut off due to inactivity. The spot beside me was cold. Sebastian hadn’t made it to bed yet. I checked the time on my phone and saw it was one in the morning.
I slid out of bed, and a rush of cool air hit my blanket-warmed skin. I was going to find Sebastian and drag his ass to bed. I was cranky and cold, but my desire to have him beside me outweighed that. The hardwood floor was cool beneath my bare feet as I walked down the hall toward his study. Light shone from under the closed door.
Was he still working?
I opened the door and entered the room, finding Sebastian asleep at his desk. A part of me cracked, seeing him that way. I had been in my head a lot lately, and so had he. Except where I ran a lot when I needed an escape, Sebastian drowned himself in work.
It worried me to think how he’d be when I was gone. When I first met him nearly two years ago, he had good and bad days. Some mornings when he had walked into class, he’d looked like a walking corpse. He had always looked so tired, the kind of tired that reached deeper than physical.
