Page 106 of Brighter Shades of Light
Jared had been right when he said being away from the one you loved was the equivalent of spinning round and round. Ever since Cody left, I’d done nothing but spin. The days following his deployment, I had grieved. I knew it was silly and that he would come back home eventually, but I couldn’t help myself.
I started sleeping in his shirts just so I could pretend he was with me. It helped a little, but not nearly enough. His side of the bed was still cold. The house seemed so empty, as if it, too, was mourning his absence.
I flipped through his favorite books sometimes in the evening, shaking my head at the dog-eared pages. Didn’t he know how to use bookmarks? But then I openedThe Iliad, one of his favorite classics that he had read numerous times, and saw he had used a photo of us from the Marine Corps Birthday Ball to mark a page.
The tears started all over again.
Eventually, the grieving period lifted, and life continued on. There were days where I felt numb and other days where I held my head a little higher. Jared helped keep me sane, though. In the four months Cody had been gone, I had spent a lot of time with him and his wife. We went to the theater to see an Off-Broadway production ofLes Miserables, attended several art shows and symphonies, and we frequently had dinner together.
I was always the third wheel, but it didn’t bother me.
Several of the partners of other deployed Marines had reached out to me, too. Once a month, we all got together and visited over lunch. The social setting took me a while to get used to, and I still wasn’t fully comfortable, but it was nice to be around people who understood what I was going through.
The highlight of my day was Skyping with Cody. Those calls were hardly ever scheduled. Due to his mission, it was hard for him to know when he would be available, but we worked around it as best as we could.
“Hey, babe,” Cody said after I answered his call. He was wearing his combat utility uniform, and there was a faint, pink line on his head, probably from him wearing his helmet for so long. “How are you?”
“Good,” I answered, adjusting the webcam to put myself more in view. It was one in the afternoon my time, and since it was the weekend, I was at home and tucked away in my study. Cody was eight hours ahead of me. “How is everything with you?”
“Eh, same old. Are you doing anything special tonight?”
I noticed Cody didn’t like talking about himself. Our chats were his way of escaping, and it helped for him to have something else to think about instead of whatever he was doing in Afghanistan. I wasn’t allowed to know the details of his mission, so I never asked about it.
“Jared and Lucy are coming over for dinner,” I said, keeping my tone light.
“That sounds nice.” He smiled and rubbed at his mouth. His lips appeared a little chapped, and I made a mental note to include more Chapstick in the next care package I sent him. “I’m glad they’ve become such good friends for you. Makes being here a bit more bearable knowing you’re doing okay.”
“When you get home, I’d like to take you to a new restaurant that just opened.” I learned it helped if Cody had something to look forward to. Talking about plans after his deployment finished was a good way to do that. “There’s a lot of king crab.”
“Oh, man.” Cody grinned, flashing the dimple I adored. “I can’t wait. It will be the second best thing after kissing you.”
My chest warmed. I was eagerly awaiting the day when I could pull him into my arms again.
“Did you like what I put in your last package?”
“Yeah. Me and the guys play the hell out of the cards. Thank you for thinking of that. It’s a great way to pass the time when we’re sitting around waiting. We love the hacky sack, too. I’m not as coordinated as the others, but it’s fun.”
“You’re welcome.”
Other than a few things to occupy his time, I mainly sent travel-sized toiletry items like lotion, baby wipes, as well as toothpaste, deodorant, and shaving cream. And in every package, I made sure to send socks and boot insoles.
“Just to let you know, some of the guys said they’d be fighting me for you when we get back,” Cody said, chuckling.
Some of the men in his company didn’t have many loved ones back at home to send them things, so I had started sending them care packages, as well. Apparently, I had earned the title of Package Daddy…or something along those lines. I was too afraid to ask for specification.
“Well, you tell them I’m taken.” I returned his smile before growing serious. “Has anyone given you any more trouble?”
“Nah. Things are good here. Don’t worry.”
Being gay in the military was no longer discriminated against since Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell had been repealed; however, some of the Marines had given Cody a hard time after the sendoff. They hadn’t wanted a ‘queer’ in charge of them. Cody didn’t say how he handled the situation, but given the fact that he held superior rank over some of them, I assumed he took care of himself on that front. I knew he had friends who supported him, though, the ones who called me ‘Package Daddy’ being some of them.
“Hey, is that your man?”
Cody looked up from the screen and grinned. “Get the fuck away, Anthony.”
“Be nice, Second Lieutenant Miller,” I said.
Anthony barked a laugh in the background. “Yeah, Second Lieutenant Miller. Listen to your Package Daddy.”
