Page 31 of Brighter Shades of Light
With Emily, I had no desire for sex, at least not after the first two years. The thought of being unfaithful had never crossed my mind, though. My body had reacted on its own on occasion—in the morning when I woke or late at night when I was alone—but the relief I’d given myself had been quick and without passion. A means to an end so I could get back to work.
However, my body ached as Cody’s face appeared in my mind. And though it felt wrong on so many levels, I slid a hand down my chest and took hold of myself.
His eyes. His lips. The throaty laugh when he was nervous. All of those things filled my head as I pumped my hips into my closed, wet fist.
The images shifted the closer I got to the edge. I imagined Cody on his stomach on my bed, glancing at me over his shoulder as I entered him. I saw his eyes close and his teeth gently clamp down on his bottom lip as I started a slow pace inside him.
I heard his moans, or what I imagined they sounded like.
“Harder,” he’d say.
I would grip his hips and take him as he wanted me to. Hard. Fast.
My release hit, and I gasped at the force of it, my legs quaking as a white hot pleasure I hadn’t felt in many years shot through me. The times I’d gotten myself off in the past few years had been pleasurable, but nothing compared to this.
I leaned my head against the wall as the aftershocks continued to ripple through me before fading completely. I stepped out of the shower and dried off, still feeling wobbly.
My face heated as I thought of facing Cody again after that. There was no way for him to know, but my own guilt would eat at me.
I checked the weather and saw it was going to be on the cooler side that day, so I grabbed a sweater and slacks from the closet and put them on, only briefly looking in the mirror before going into the kitchen and starting a pot of coffee.
When it finished brewing, I poured a cup and went to sit on my patio, breathing in the chilly morning. It was a rarity for me to be awake early enough to enjoy such things, and I sat down, watching the sun come up over the mountain on the other side of the water.
Autumn had arrived over a week ago, and the leaves were changing. Some had started to fall. I sipped my coffee, enjoying the crisp air and silence of the world around me.
I was a man who preferred solitude…yet, as I sat in my self-imposed isolation, watching the golden sunlight hit one side of the mountain as the other side remained cast in shadow, I couldn’t help but wonder how amazing it’d be to have someone special to share it with.
***
“Dr. Vale?” Cody approached me Friday after class, his graded exam folded in his hand. “Can I talk to you real quick?”
“Of course.” I zipped my bag and faced him. “What can I do for you, Mr. Miller?”
“It’s about the exam.” His cheeks flamed, and I wasn’t sure if it was from nerves or disappointment. Based on the poor grade he’d received, I assumed it was the latter. “I don’t know why I did so bad. I studied hard for it. Iknowthe material. But my mind just blanked during it, I guess.”
“I have to agree with you. Frankly, I was as surprised by your grade as you are.” I regarded him, trying to ignore how there were flecks of darker shades of blue around his pupils. How there was a freckle just above his lip, like a beauty mark. “Are you falling behind on your studies because of the NROTC program?”
“No. At least, I don’t think so.” He wet his lips, an action that drew my attention to his mouth again. “It’s been tougher this semester compared to last semester, but I felt like I was managing things well. I bombed my Calculus Based Physics test, too. Maybe…” He swallowed, and I followed the movement of his Adam’s apple as it bobbed in his throat. “Maybe I just need to get more sleep or something before an exam. Have a clear head.”
“It’s only one exam, Mr. Miller,” I said, hoping to reassure him. “There will be others, as well as opportunities to boost your grade with extra credit. And if you ever need help with anything, whether it be an assignment or tutoring, you know my office hours.”
I never offered to tutor students, which proved even more how smitten I was.
“Thanks, Dr. Vale.” He moved the strap of his backpack farther up his shoulder. “See you around.”
As he walked away from me, I forced myself not to stare at him.
My fascination with Cody wasn’t healthy. For over a month, I’d felt myself being drawn more and more to him. It was just my luck to have finally found a person who made me feel again…only to have him be out of my reach.
I had an hour between my thermodynamics class and chemistry, so I used the time to refresh on the lecture for the day. My chemistry class wasn’t as challenging as my other, since it was made up of entry-level students. Many commented it was still harder than every other entry-level science course, though.
At eleven, I started class, taking extra time to explain concepts when I noticed the confusion on several students’ faces. Which reminded me of Cody. Again. I wished everyone would take a page from his book and ask questions when they felt lost in the material.
Then again…maybe some of them didn’t know they were allowed to interrupt the lecture. I had a reputation on campus for being tough and standoffish.
Were they all intimidated by me?
I did something I never had before. I stopped mid-sentence and looked around.
