Page 36 of Brighter Shades of Light
“Wanna talk about it?” Tristen sat in the armchair and tucked his hands beneath his chin, elbows on his legs. He reminded me of a little kid waiting on their mom to make them a snack or something. “I know you’ve never been that great of a test taker, but bombing them isn’t like you.”
“Just a lot on my mind.”
“Me, you mean.” He pinned me with a knowing stare. “Ever since that day, you’ve been weird around me. And I’ve heard you scream out in the middle of the night. I’m sorry if I messed you up in the head, too.”
I didn’t say anything.
“Don’t worry about me, Cody,” he said, scrubbing his hands over his face. “Really. I’m…I’m figuring out my shit.”
“Have you made up your mind yet? About…you know.”
Almost two weeks had passed since his panic attack during the paintball match. He’d been quiet about whether he was going to leave the NROTC program or stay. I’d given him space, but I felt like he was finally ready to talk about it.
“I think so. It’s scary to think about being in that kind of situation someday—loaded gun in hand and knowing you might have to kill someone. It’s scary to think that you or your best friend could be that someone who dies.” He peered up at me. “But, like you said, it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make. I want to stay. I want to serve my country. Fight for it. Because if I can’t, how in the hell can I expect you or Marcus or Rachel to do it in my place? I joined the program because I wanted to make a difference and join the good fight. Dying is scary, but not living is even worse.”
I released the breath I’d been holding and went over to give him a hug.
“Being scared is normal,” I said, wrapping my arms around him. He held me a bit tighter, burying his face in my neck. “I’d be worried if you weren’t. But that’s all tomorrow’s problem. It’s good to be prepared, yeah, but we still have a while before that’s even on the table for us.”
“I should get to bed,” Tristen said, standing. He stumbled a bit, and I caught him against my chest. “The room is spinning.”
“Vodka does that to you.”
He smirked. “You do that to me.”
“Huh?”
“Never mind.” Tristen laughed and walked down the hall, only hitting the walls a little as he searched for his bedroom.
I checked to make sure he made it okay before brushing my teeth and sliding into bed. As my brain picked that moment to rev up and go ninety-to-nothing, I knew sleep was out of the question. Too much was on my mind.
October was only days away. The semester was flying by. One day I’d been making a fool out of myself in the professors’ lounge in front of Dr. Vale, and in the blink of an eye, I was sitting in a bar, catching him looking at me all night as he drank beer with the other instructors and ignored the woman pining for his attention.
When I’d seen the woman with him, it stirred up my jealous side a bit. Okay, more than a bit. I’d wanted the chick thrown out of the bar. But then I noticedhimnoticingme, saw him looking at me instead her.
Had Rachel been right?
Was Dr. Vale into me?
Up until that point, our conversations had been mostly limited to the course work. But you could be into someone without knowing them well. Hell, I’d pursued guys before based off their looks alone. Sure, they had turned out to be assholes, but it proved my point.
Attraction was like the spark from a lighter that then turned into a flame.
Dr. Vale was my spark.
Was I his?
Only one way to find out.
It was past midnight, but if I didn’t do it now, I’d lose my nerve. I hopped out of bed and grabbed my laptop before snuggling back under the covers. School emails were probably monitored, so I wouldn’t say anything that could come back and bite me in the ass. But I was tired of this weird dance between me and Dr. Vale. He didn’t seem like the type of guy to ever make a move, so I did it for him.
Dr. Vale,
You said in class that if I was interested in any help to let you know. Would it be possible to stop by your office once I’m done with classes on Tuesday for tutoring? Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays are usually swamped, so Tuesday or Thursday would be perfect. If not, I totally understand.
-Cody Miller
After hitting send, I opened a new tab on my laptop. If I couldn’t sleep, I might as well watch something. As I was scrolling through Netflix, I got a notification and clicked back to the email tab. He’d responded in less than two minutes. I didn’t know what surprised me more, his quick response or that he was still awake at almost one in the morning.
