Page 57 of Brighter Shades of Light
Class didn’t start for another five minutes, so Sebastian flipped through his notes and paid little attention to the students filing into the auditorium. After I signed the sheet, I sat back down and pulled the textbook from my bag. I opened it to the marked chapter and read over the summary to get an idea of what we’d be covering in class today.
When I looked back up, Sebastian was staring at me. I smiled, and he returned the action before dropping his gaze.
So many longing glances between us. The room of people disappeared, and it was just us and our connection.
I thought back to Saturday. In his study, we had kissed, hands roaming over clothed bodies and fingers twisting in each other’s hair. He had pushed me against his desk and dipped his tongue into my mouth. I moaned, imagining what his tongue would feel like somewhere else. We didn’t have sex, but it had been the most intimate moment of my life. Kissing him, feeling his hands on me, was like a piece of heaven I thought I’d never get to see.
After class, I waited for mostly everyone to clear out before approaching him.
“Hello, Mr. Miller.” His tone was formal, but his eyes…they held a tenderness that made that area right above my stomach ache.
“I want to see you again,” I whispered, leaning toward him so the remaining students couldn’t hear. “I can’t wait until Saturday. Can I come over tonight?”
Sebastian flicked a gaze around the room. “Tonight isn’t good for me.” The hope deflated in my chest, but then he added, “Tomorrow would be best.”
That perked me back up. “Okay. Cool. Just call or text me the time.”
“Mhm.”
He tried to seem disinterested. I knew better, though. The signs were in the swallow in his throat, the darkening of his gaze as he looked at my lips.
No one had ever looked at me like that before. Other guys had made me feel desirable, but Sebastian made me feel like we were floating through space, the only two people in the universe.
This thing between us—whatever it was—excited me. But more than that, it gave me another reason to wake up in the morning.
Chapter 15
Sebastian
The spine on the red journal was creased from all the times I had opened it. Several of the pages were starting to show the thread from where they were attached to the binding. Those were the pages I kept coming back to and re-reading. The ones that meant the most.
Sitting in my study, I carefully opened the journal, flipping to a bookmarked page. I lightly ran a finger over the neat handwriting, a lump forming in my throat.
Sebastian,
It’s October now. You’re asleep in the other room, probably dreaming of the different types of atoms or something. Or maybe you’re dreaming of us. Of a future we can’t have.
When I started making this journal for you, I didn’t think about how I’d eventually run out of things to say. Well, not necessarily run out of things to say, but rather have to face the harder topics. Talking about the past is easy.
It’s the future that makes my hand shake as I write this.
In the earlier pages, I talked about how much you mean to me. I’ve written stories of my life that I think you’ll find amusing or informative. Maybe some will help you in the future if you’re ever at a crossroads and need advice. Not everyone knows about Newton, Tesla, Copernicus, and Hawking’s general theory of relativity in great detail, so be mindful when talking to non-science brains. How small the world must be to them.
I won’t be there to give you the advice in person.
It’s hard seeing you every day, Seb, and not telling you the truth. I don’t want you to start looking at me differently. Once you find out I’m sick, that light in your eyes I love so much will disappear. You’ll look at me with sadness instead of love. Maybe you’ll even hate me for keeping it from you.
And I guess I want to keep pretending everything’s okay. I’m not ready to face the truth of my mortality.
If only we could create those nanobots, right? They could go inside my body and heal the damage. But I don’t want to talk about that yet. About the end.
So for now, I’ll just say…I love you.
I stopped reading Leon’s words as a sob tore through my throat. Seven years had passed since he died. Seven years and it still hurt. I took off my glasses and closed my eyes, burying my fingers in my hair as I bent forward and let myself cry.
Emily had never known about Leon. I kept so much of my life private, even from her. Just one of the many reasons why our marriage failed.
Now, I had Cody. And I was afraid of failing him, too.
