Page 75 of Brighter Shades of Light
“Sit down.”
“I don’t want to sit.” I walked over to the archway that led into the kitchen and observed the cups of coffee and plates of half-eaten omelets on the table. The morning with Cody had been perfect. I almost told him I loved him. Anger simmered within my chest, and I spun around to Emily. “What did you want to talk about? I would rather get it over with so you can leave.”
“You’re sleeping with a student,” she said. “I’m sure you’re well aware of the consequences, should the board of directors find out.”
“Yes. I’m aware.”
I had done research into how other universities handled situations like mine and Cody’s when it was brought to their attention. Some professors were fired. Others just had their reputation questioned.
“I could tell them, you know.”
“Do it.” I approached her, surprised at the level of anger inside me. “I suspect what you’re going to say, Emily, and quite frankly, I’m disappointed in you. You plan to hold this over my head so I’ll come back to you? Will a forced relationship truly make you happy?”
She averted her gaze.
“I just…” She wiped at her eyes. “I miss you.”
“No, you don’t. Our marriage was over long before we divorced. You miss the idea of me.”
“Perhaps that’s true.” Emily pulled her coat tighter around herself. “I thought if I gave you enough time, we could start over. I would show up at your house, we’d talk, you’d maybe play a song for me on the piano like you used to do, and we would fall back in love.”
I had never been in love with her.
I had never even loved her.
“When you came to me wanting the divorce, it wasyouridea. Not mine.” I walked forward, stopping several feet in front of her. “It’s upsetting for me to see you stoop so low, Emily. I don’t mean for this to sound cruel, but I feel it’s the only way to reach you. You need to stop with the jealousy and accept that I don’t love you. And it doesn’t matter if you blackmail me by threatening to have me fired, I willneverbe with you. Is that understood?”
“Yes. I understand.” Tears fell down her cheeks as she looked up at me. “You don’t love me…but you lovehim. Don’t you?”
I stared at her, breathing through my nose and trying to calm down. “Yes. I do.”
“You love him, but you didn’t tell him you were married?”
“Divorced,” I corrected.
I hadn’t told Cody about Emily because I hadn’t felt reason to. As horrible as it was to admit, she wasn’t even a factor in my life anymore. I didn’t think about her. But after seeing Cody’s reaction, I wished I had told him. He shouldn’t have found out the way he did.
“I’m sorry, Sebastian.” Emily stood and approached me. “I think you’re blinded by him, though. He’s this young, handsome thing, and he excites you. It can’t work in the long term. Surely, you see that. Not only because of your age difference, but what would people think once you go public with your relationship? Your reputation and everything you’ve built won’t matter once people only see your sexuality. Some people won’t mind, probably, but do you want to take that risk?”
I cared little about my reputation. If people chose to disregard all my hard work throughout the years and shun me for who I loved, then their opinions meant nothing to me anyway.
“Please leave.” I backed away from her. “I would also appreciate it if you didn’t show up unannounced anymore.”
“Sebastian…”
“Leave, Emily.”
She flinched at the harshness in my tone, and I almost felt guilty for it.
Once she was gone, I sat down on the couch and put my face in my hands. I didn’t know for sure if Emily would tell anyone. If she did, I would be questioned about the allegation and possibly lose my teaching license.
Would anything happen to Cody?
With shaking hands, I grabbed my phone and dialed his number. No answer. Then, his voicemail picked up.
“Hey, this is Cody. I’m probably sleeping or working out. Or staring at your name on my screen, not wanting to pick up because you should’ve texted me instead of called.”
“Please call me back. We need to talk.”
