Page 99 of Brighter Shades of Light
“Well, if you’re a nerd, so am I.” Cody yawned and snuggled in closer, resting his face against my neck.
The area in the center of my chest ached. I couldn’t imagine a life without Cody. He had been the very best part of my life for a year and a half, and I wanted many more years with him. Many more nights of him lying in my arms, saying random things and making me laugh. I wanted countless mornings of waking up beside him and pulling him close to me after a long day.
“Marry me.”
Cody’s head shot up. In the dim light and without my glasses, I couldn’t make out his facial features that well, but from what Icouldsee, he appeared…confused.
“Really?”
Not the response I expected.
My confidence waned. “Well, we don’thaveto get married, if you don’t want to. I just love you, Cody. I know I say that a lot, but it’s true. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I know this isn’t a grand proposal or one that’s memorable, but—”
“Sebastian?” Cody traced a line down my cheek. “Stop rambling. Of course I’ll marry you. I guess I’m just kinda bummed becauseIwas going to askyou.”
Chuckling, I hugged him closer and nuzzled the side of his head.
Long after he fell asleep, I stayed awake, thinking. I would never say it to him, but I was worried about the future.
Deployments didn’t always mean combat, but Cody had chosen a combat-oriented specialty. So when he deployed—whenever that might be—he would be commanding engineer units with repair, construction, and operating heavy equipment, sometimes during situations where the troops were under fire.
Stop thinking about it.
It was easier said than done.
***
Life in Jacksonville had turned out surprisingly better than I thought. I hadn’t anticipated things to be bad; however, I didn’t expect to enjoy it so much. Three months of living here, and I was happy. Not just because I was with Cody, but also because I loved my job and had even become friendly with several of my colleagues.
There was a man named Jared who was around my age, and we had a lot in common. During our lunch break, we discussed quantum physics and philosophies about the inner workings of the universe. And he had no problem with me being with Cody.
“You need to be with the person who makes you feel like you’re floating,” Jared had said one day in the break room. “Without them, you spin round and round like a spinning top, but when you’re with them again, the world comes back into focus and everything feels light, like you’re drifting to the stars. If your man does that for you, then it’s no one else’s business.”
“You sound like you’re speaking from experience,” I said, noting the smile in his eyes.
“My wife is my world.” Jared absentmindedly twisted his wedding ring. “Many people I knew had crap to say about her in the beginning. Those people are no longer in my life, including some family members.” At my questioning glance, he added, “Lucy is transgender. She transitioned years before I met her, and I had no idea when we first met. But even after I found out, it didn’t bother me. I love her for who she is, and nothing else matters.”
Jared, I learned that day, was definitely someone I could see myself spending more time with. We started regularly eating together after that, and he had come over to the house several times with Lucy—who was just as lovely as he said—to have dinner. Cody liked Jared, too.
After I drove home from work that afternoon, I walked into the house and went into the kitchen to start dinner. Cody usually got home thirty minutes after me, and I liked to have dinner at least started by then. He was still a much better cook, though.
Our daily life was fairly normal. We woke up at the same time each morning, had coffee together, and then he left for morning physical training at the base before starting his duties for the day. He called it his ‘office job,’ because it was a regular eight-to-five job where he got to come home to me each night at a decent hour. There were only a few instances in which he had come home late.
Just as I was looking in the refrigerator for what to cook, my phone rang. It vibrated on the counter, and I snatched it up, seeing a picture of me and Cody appear on the screen.
“Hello?”
“I love how you answer the phone so formal like,” Cody said with a laugh.
“Hello isn’t formal.”
“Most people just say hey.”
“Okay…hey.”
That made him laugh harder. “Fuck, I love you.”
“Love you, too. Is everything okay?” I asked. He usually didn’t call me before coming home, unless it was to ask what we were eating.
