Page 100 of Brighter Shades of Light
“Yeah, everything’s fine. I just have to work late tonight. Not sure when I’ll be home.”
“Do you want me to make dinner so you can heat it up when you get here?”
“Nah, you don’t have to. I’ll probably grab something quick. Might be a late night.”
We talked for another minute before he had to go. Since he wasn’t eating dinner, I decided to order something out. There wasn’t a point in cooking just for me. I scrolled through my phone and chose my favorite Italian restaurant, ordering chicken parmigiana.
The house was quiet once my food arrived. As I sat down to eat, I looked around the spacious kitchen and past the entryway into the living room.
With all the windows, the house was absolutely perfect, letting in natural light which I loved. It really felt like home, more so than my house in Emerald Falls. Probably because Cody and I had a life together here. Touches of him were everywhere, from the furniture to the pictures he’d hung on the walls.
I placed my leftovers in the fridge, just in case Cody wanted them when he got home, and then I walked up the stairs to my study. The layout of this house was a lot different than my old one, and I preferred it. There were three bedrooms, one downstairs and two upstairs, plus two full baths and a sitting room that I had turned into my study. It was an older home and had a classic, historical feel.
Cody thought it was haunted.
A sliding door led to my study, and I smiled when I remembered Cody grabbing the edge of it and mimicking that man fromSaw, saying “Game over,” before sliding it closed and laughing evilly. He was such a goofball.
I sat down at my desk and glanced at the clock Leon had given me. It didn’t make me sad to look at it anymore. Beside it was the one Cody had bought me for Christmas the year we met. The two loves of my life. They were alike but so different, much like the clocks each had given me.
It had been months since I opened Leon’s journal, but I found myself reaching for it. The worn spine was proof of all the times I had flipped through it, searching for answers he hadn’t given me within the pages.
“I hope wherever you are, you’re happy,” I said, running my hand over the front of the journal. “And that you’re happy for me. You would’ve liked Cody. Or at least, I hope you would have. He’s so funny, Leon. And he’s kind.”
I knew I was talking to myself. But perhaps Leon could hear me, wherever he was; whether it be in the stars or someplace else.
I opened it to the last page, my eyes glazing over as I read the last entry.
Sebastian,
Finally, we’ve reached the end. The end of the journal…the end of everything, I suppose. By this point, I’ve already told you the truth. We’re in the hospital, and you’re holding my right hand. You were up all night with me. I’m tired, too, but I’d much rather watch you right now.
Did you know your face scrunches up when you sleep?
The doctor just said I don’t have much longer. And I feel it, Seb. Mortality. I don’t feel like myself sometimes, like someone else is taking over my body. I’m still not ready to die. I don’t think anyone is.
My life might not have been as long as I would’ve liked, but you helped me make the most of the time I had. You showed me what it was like to love someone so deeply that I felt like Alice, falling down the rabbit hole over and over. Falling deeper in love with you. And maybe I was like the white rabbit, too, in a way, obsessed with time. My only regret in this life is not meeting you sooner.
I love you, Sebastian Vale.
My happily ever after ends here, holding your hand as I go somewhere else. But your book still has so many blank pages. Make the most of them, okay? Love and laugh. Don’t waste a single moment.
All my love,
Your Leon
I re-read the last few sentences. Was that the answer I had been looking for? It had been in front of me all this time, and I felt foolish for not seeing it sooner. He wanted me to live the rest of my life to the fullest. To love. The guilt I had carried over falling in love with Cody lifted off me in a sudden rush.
I no longer felt that way.
My eyes watered at the revelation, and I closed the journal. Standing from my desk, I took the journal and slid it into an open space on the bookshelf.
Finally, I let go of Leon.
Later that night, I was nearly asleep when I heard footsteps on the stairs. Cody stripped out of his clothes and crawled in behind me on the bed, kissing the back of my neck as his arm came around my waist.
I draped my arm over his and turned back to look at him.
“Sorry I woke you,” he said.
