Page 17 of Brighter Shades of Light
I wasn’t sure what else to say. Conversation, unless when discussing my studies or subjects of interest, fell short with me.
Emily had often said I seemed inconsiderate and unsympathetic toward other people, though it was never intentional.
“You’re like a block of ice, Sebastian,”she told me on more than one occasion.“I wonder if someone will ever find a way to thaw you out.”
“I still owe you that sandwich,” Cody said, pulling me from my thoughts. “Yeah, I know you said it was inappropriate, but I don’t think it is. It’s just food. No hidden agenda.”
“I didn’t think there’d be an agenda.”
Not with him, anyway. Brandon Powel wanted to use my name to further his career, as did a number of other students. Many asked me to help with their research projects; some were genuinely interested in learning from me, and others more concerned with how their association with me would aid in their reputation. Much like Vance and his collection of trophy friends.
Cody didn’t seem like the type, though, and it made me wonder why he went out of his way to speak with me so often. He said he was an admirer of my work. Perhaps that was all the reason needed.
“Well, if you won’t let me buy you lunch, maybe I’ll see you in the dining hall later?” He looked hopeful.
“Perhaps.”
But unlikely.
True, enjoying lunch with Cody wouldn’t do any harm. I sometimes noticed professors having a meal with students—mostly in groups, but eating together nonetheless. But…if I did such a thing with Cody, I suspected it would mean more to me than simply sharing a meal.
Physical attraction was a normal, uncontrollable response. Acting on it was a choice.
Therefore, I would push it from my mind and not think on it a moment longer.
***
Monday through Friday, my office hours were from one to three. While I sat at my desk, I caught up on work, going over the lesson plan for the next class and grading assignments. After an hour, I finished with my professor-related tasks.
There was always something to be done, however. My time in the classroom was only a fraction of my duties. It was also imperative for me to keep up with the advances in chemistry and its sub disciplines, such as chemical engineering and biochemistry, by reading extensively.
As I read over data from another laboratory, analyzing and reviewing their findings, there was a knock at my door. Only two students had come to my office today, and I didn’t expect many others since it was so early in the semester. That left only one other person, and I looked up, expecting to see Vance.
“Emily,” I said, standing from my chair.
“You don’t have to stand.” She tucked her short red hair behind her left ear. “Can I come in?”
“Certainly.”
We’d seen each other very little since I’d moved out, and her phone calls at night had lessened in frequency. I assumed she’d moved on with her life. Keeping one foot in the past wouldn’t do her any favors.
“I hope it’s okay for me to stop in like this.” She sat in the seat across from my desk and folded her hands in front of her.
“Of course. How are your classes going?”
“Good.” She smiled, and I saw an underlying hint of nervousness. “Yours?”
All formalities, a bit of small talk before she got to the real reason she’d come to see me.
“I have no complaints.”
“I bet you suspect I’m not here to talk about our classes.” Her shoulders tensed, making her nerves more apparent.
“Whyareyou here?” The question wasn’t meant to be rude. It was mere curiosity.
Her pale cheeks darkened with a blush. “You’ll think me silly if I say.”
I studied her.
