Page 37 of His Surrender
Chapter 9
Jay
Going to Remi’s apartment that night had been a spontaneous decision, one I had nearly talked myself out of. I’d sat in my car in the apartment parking lot, telling myself he was probably banging his date and wanted nothing to do with me. But something had pushed me to get out of my car and walk up the steps to his front door.
And thank fuck I did.
Right when I got to the door, I’d heard him yelling and had acted on impulse. Once he answered the door and I saw how visibly shaken he was, it had felt like molten lava in my veins. I’d wanted to grab the man who’d hurt him and beat him to a bloody pulp. And when Remi had thrown himself against me, releasing a small, strangled cry, my chest had cracked wide open.
It still hurt as I sat on the couch, holding Remi against me. He’d stopped shaking but continued to cling to me. It was that moment when I realized how much I actually cared about him.
I could say I had only wanted sex, but I wouldn’t be there right now if that were true. The extent of my feelings for him remained a mystery; all I knew was I didn’t want him to be alone.
“So much for a happy birthday,” Remi said, tilting his head to look up at me. “My ex-boyfriend, who I thought was a good guy, turns out to be a dick, and the guy I’m crazy about shows up having to see me in such an embarrassing state.”
“You’re crazy about me?”
He pushed his face into the crease of my neck. “Just kill me now. I can’t believe I said that out loud.”
“I won’t hold it against you,” I said, smiling into his hair. “I’ll only bring it up every single time you turn me down from now until the end of days.”
“Asshole,” he muttered. He kissed my collarbone before resting his head on my shoulder. We were both lying on the couch now, him on top of me. “Why did you come over tonight? After the way I talked to you over the phone, I didn’t expect to hear from you anytime soon.”
“Honestly? I don’t know.” I hated not knowing. I had never felt that way before. About anyone. “When you said you had a date, it bothered me. I went to the 906 for some drinks, and as I was driving home, I ended up coming here instead.”
“Thank you,” Remi whispered. “I’m not sure what would’ve happened if…” He swallowed and shook his head.
“Don’t think about that.” I glided my hand up and down his spine. “He’s gone, and you’re safe.” The lava continued to flow through my veins. “If heevershows back up here, you call me and I’ll take care of it.”
“He won’t be back,” Remi said. “He’s only in town for the weekend.”
“What did you ever see in that guy anyway?”
Chuckling, he unwound from my arms and sat up. The place he’d been lying felt cold now. “Do you really want to discuss my dating life? Because I don’t.”
“Why not?” I pressed. I had always been open about sex, and it didn’t bother me to talk about it.
“If you really want to know, fine.” Remi stood and walked around the corner into the connecting kitchen. I could see him from my spot on the couch. He grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge before offering me one. I accepted it and waited for him to say more. “Nathan made me laugh, and he always knew what to say. I guess he was a charmer like you, but not as obvious about it. He broke up with me, saying he thought of me more as a friend. He’s just one guy out of a dozen who’ve said in one form or another that I wasn’t good enough for them.”
“They’re all dickwads,” I said.
“Maybe.” Remi looked at his feet. “But the thing they all have in common is me. I’m a magnet for heartbreak. I think some guys take advantage of my niceness, and others say all the right things until they get what they want, and then they screw me over.”
Did he put me in one of those categories?
“Wait. You’re nice?” I asked.
Remi laughed, which had been my aim. He had a great laugh and needed to do it more often. “How do you do that?”
“Do what?” I took a drink of water and set the bottle down beside me.
“Make me feel so…” Remi lifted his shoulders. “I don’t know… light, I guess. Even when we’re arguing and jabbing at each other, a part of me enjoys it. A big part of me. You’re infuriating, annoying, and a goddamn asshole.”
“Thank you.”
Remi strode forward and gripped my chin, tilting my face up. “But I’m falling for you, you bastard. And I hate myself because of it.”
They were the words I’d been afraid to hear, but also words that made my stomach flip, as if I’d just reached the top of a roller coaster and took a nosedive toward the ground. I didn’t know if I should scream in fear or exhilaration.
