Page 70 of His Surrender
“Morning. Need help?”
“Nah, I got this.” He flipped the bacon and let the other side start cooking. “Coffee’s done, though, if you want to pour a cup. I hope it’s okay I helped myself to your kitchen.”
“It’s more than okay.” I kissed his nape on my way to the cabinet for a mug. I added some milk to the cup before pouring the coffee over it. It practically stirred itself so I didn’t have to. Laziness to the extreme. “Someone’s cooking me breakfast. I’m not complaining.”
“I like to cook,” Jay said, putting the strips of bacon on a plate over a paper towel to help drain some of the grease. “I’d like to make more time for it. Nothing beats my mom’s cooking, though.She makessirniki, which are Russian-style pancakes with jam served on top. It’s the second-best thing I’ve ever put in my mouth.”
“What’s the first?” I asked, taking a drink of coffee.
“Your dick.”
And out went the coffee as I choked on a laugh. Jay smirked like the devil himself and handed me a paper towel. I wiped my mouth and the splatters that had landed on the floor.
“Asshole,” I muttered, cleaning up the mess. “You did that on purpose.”
“I’d say I’m sorry, but it’s too cute seein’ you all flustered.”
“Yeah, yeah,” I muttered, standing back up to throw the paper towel in the trash. “It’s a good thing I love you.”
Fuck.
I froze as the words slipped out. I was too afraid to look at Jay. Too mortified to even breathe. It didn’t help that he was quiet too. When I finally looked at him, he was staring at the stove with an unreadable look in his eyes.
“Breakfast is ready,” he said, divvying out bacon and scrambled eggs onto two plates. His voice was void of any emotion. “We should eat before it gets cold.”
Still too freaked-out to speak—since clearly, stupid shit came out of my mouth when I did—I nodded and sat down at the small round kitchen table. It hadn’t even been two months yet. SayingI love youso soon, especially to someone like Jay who didn’t do relationships, was a good way to screw everything up.
I forced myself to say something because the awkward silence was killing me. “Thanks for cooking.”
“You’re welcome.”
More silence.
If only I could go back in time five minutes. I’d make sure to keep my damn mouth shut. The words had been said in a joking scenario… but I felt the weight of them in my heart. I had meant it. I did love Jay.
I fall in love too easily.Just like the song.
Jay seemed to withdraw more and more as we ate. He chewed his food slowly and very rarely met my gaze when I talked—I was grasping at straws to find things to even talk about. He seemed so… indifferent.
“I need to go in to work for a while,” he said, after helping me clean up the kitchen.
“Okay.”
Without another word, he headed down the hall and slipped inside my bedroom to grab his clothes. He returned a minute later, zipping his pants and smoothing out the wrinkles on his shirt.
“You can shower here if you want,” I suggested, not ready for him to leave. Especially when we were in such a weird place emotionally.
“I’ll shower at home before I go to the office.” Jay stepped toward the door, and with each one he took, I felt my heart get heavier and heavier. He stopped, hand resting on the handle. “Have a good day. I’ll talk to you later.”
I tried to draw reassurance from his statement. He intended to still talk to me, so hopefully we couldn’t be too bad off. Maybe he just needed some time to think things over.
It hurt that he didn’t even kiss me goodbye, though.
***
Two and a half weeks passed, and during that time, Jay had been extremely busy with the trial but had still found time to come over several times and nearly break my damn bed by how hard he’d banged me. Not that I’d minded.
However, I felt him withdrawing even more. Ever since I said those stupid three words, everything had changed. I wasn’t sure if it was due to stress from work or if he was second-guessing things between us, but he was like a different person. It worried me. Because I was too involved with him now.
